FIFA: I’m ready to take charge
Poor Sepp Blatter.
Elected one day to another term, and then heading for the hills, or, more appropriately, the Swiss Alps, the next.
Sepp Blatter 无毛视频� doesn无毛视频檛 that sound like a soap opera name?
无毛视频淣o, Sepp, I am your twin brother, Zepp, and I will not allow you to drag the good Blatter name through the mud!无毛视频�
Blatter无毛视频檚 election as the top dog in FIFA has the distinct deja vu of Richard Nixon winning a second term 无毛视频� although Blatter was on the verge of his fifth term. (Betcha Nixon无毛视频檚 envious, the man who wanted the presidency for a little while longer.)
Nixon resigned a little bit further into his second term than Blatter has, but, with that nasty Watergate scandal hanging around, what was 无毛视频淭ricky Dick无毛视频� to do?
Allow me to be the first to dub this international soccer scandal, 无毛视频淔IFAgate.无毛视频� Why? Cause that无毛视频檚 what we do here in America. Take a scandalous activity, say taking air out of footballs so your all-World QB can grip them more efficiently, and throw a 无毛视频�-gate无毛视频� at the end.
Blatter bailing has the stink of avoiding jail time, a good idea for someone in his Social Security years, although his official explanation was he did not 无毛视频渉ave a mandate from the entire world of football (i.e., soccer) 无毛视频� the fans, the players, the clubs, the people who live, breathe and love football.无毛视频�
(Nice to see the U.S. Attorney General无毛视频檚 office is on the job with the corruption and racketeering. Now, maybe they can look into the TSA problems and organized crime.)
Now, what is the governing body of the universe无毛视频檚 most-wonderful sport to do? How does it perform a 无毛视频渃leansing无毛视频� as a means to detox its problems away?
Well, say, it could hire somebody like me. Yep, little old me. I have a post-secondary degree (okay, an M.A. in history, but who无毛视频檚 checking?) and 20 years on the job here at the 无毛视频-Standard.
I now know after extensive research that FIFA stands for 无毛视频淔茅d茅ration Internationale de Football Association.无毛视频� I understand the object is, as all sports with a net and ball (or puck), to either get the ball into the net or keep it out. Both teams field 10 players and a goaltender, and cherry-picking (i.e., offsides) is forbidden. Only the goalie is allowed to use his hands (in a restricted area) and the games are, like, 90 minutes long (plus added time for unnecessary scoring celebrations and 无毛视频渞olling about the pitch无毛视频� to sell an injury).
(I just translate sports like soccer into basketball, makes it easier for me.)
Why am I qualified? Well, I无毛视频檝e never held any type of office and never ran anything (outside of a classroom or basketball team). I know very few rich, influential people and I come from humble, immigrant American stock.
I don无毛视频檛 need a cane or any type of walking assistance (just yet) and have, fortunately, my hair.
So, again I ask, why am I qualified?
I无毛视频檓 not. That无毛视频檚 why I无毛视频檓 perfect for the job! FIFA could double my salary (which I bet is a lot less than Blatter无毛视频檚 pulling in), give me a work-specific smart phone, and pony up the government rate for mileage for the Sonata. Throw in a 10-year guarantee on the job (the clean up will take at least the better part of a decade) to get me to retirement, and I无毛视频檓 yours!
I无毛视频檇 station my headquarters in Fayette County. A boon to the local economy 无毛视频� and who outside of western Pennsylvania would be able to find it?, so no worries about graft and corruption! I can see it now 无毛视频� a Tri-State (Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia) World Cup in 2026!
FIFA无毛视频檚 problems are deep, far deeper than an non-prescription detox cleanser can handle. I might not be the man, but if the sport truly belongs to the world, then someone outside the cadre of federations must be elected to clean it up.