According to Hofmann: Space…the final space
I really hate to start off this week无毛视频檚 humor column with sad news, but some of the funniest things in life have started in a sad way like marriages. No? Maybe I无毛视频檓 only thinking about mine.
Okay, well, I did start this column in a funny way, but the sad news is the recent passing of Nichelle Nichols at the age of 89.
For those who are unfamiliar with that name, you may know her better from her role as Lt. Uhura on 无毛视频淪tar Trek.无毛视频�
Sad news, indeed, but what caught my eye was an accompanying news story informing me that a portion of her cremated ashes and a sample of her DNA will be launched into space by a company that specializes in launching human remains into space.
I didn无毛视频檛 know such a thing existed. I just assumed there were some shady dealings going on at NASA where astronauts were getting their palms greased to smuggle urns on to their rockets and, while on their mission, they无毛视频檇 mosey on over to the escape hatch to 无毛视频渃onduct maintenance tests无毛视频� and WOOSH, out the remains go.
I learned that the company also launched into space the remains of James Doohan, who played Scotty on 无毛视频淪tar Trek无毛视频� and even Gene Roddenberry, who created 无毛视频淪tar Trek,无毛视频� and his wife, actor Majel Barrett Roddenberry, who played nurse Christine Chapel on 无毛视频淪tar Trek.无毛视频�
I无毛视频檓 just glad these folks weren无毛视频檛 involved with a television show centering around a crew working at a sewage treatment facility.
My parents were cremated, and their wishes were to have their ashes spread at places they enjoyed visiting and spending time; they didn无毛视频檛 mentioned places they无毛视频檝e never been before.
I can imagine visiting a psychic medium to have my dad say through them something like, 无毛视频淲hy did you spread my remains on the King Kong ride at Universal Studios? It would have been a better trip if I were alive 无毛视频� and I never said I wanted to go to Universal Studios in the first place 无毛视频� you just wanted an excuse to go to Universal Studios, didn无毛视频檛 you? Now I无毛视频檓 going to haunt you.无毛视频�
I really don无毛视频檛 have any mixed feelings about this whole idea because I无毛视频檓 dead inside, but my brain can无毛视频檛 stop thinking about everything surrounding this practice. Mainly, though, I wonder what the aliens will think of us.
First, we have like 4,500 satellites in orbit around the Earth and although you take into account the size of the Earth makes the number seem kind of small, it无毛视频檚 still something my neat-freak wife would say is a cluttered mess.
We无毛视频檝e also sent exploration satellites and probes, space telescopes, time capsules, a golden record that contain various media and we also send out signals containing images and sounds from movies, TV and radio.
Basically, we无毛视频檙e the moody teenage slobs of the galaxy, and the Earth is our bedroom.
If you无毛视频檙e wondering if beings from another world visiting us will be hostile, just keep in mind that we无毛视频檝e subjected them to a trail of Pauly Shore movies and episodes of 无毛视频淭he Jersey Shore.无毛视频� Be prepared for an invasion.
Of course, we无毛视频檝e also been shooting cremated remains and DNA samples out into space for years like we无毛视频檙e the mafia trying to get rid of bodies, so maybe the aliens will think twice about messing with us.
Also, we might as well start launching our trash into space. Sure, the environmentalists will be upset at first, but I无毛视频檓 sure they无毛视频檒l eventually be on board 无毛视频� on board as in they无毛视频檒l be sent up in space along with the trash.
Joking. I无毛视频檓 joking,
But, when you think about it, how upset would they really be if we just started shooting garbage into space?
The garbage wouldn无毛视频檛 be on Earth anymore and maybe it would eventually go toward a star and burn up to nothing. Even if it doesn无毛视频檛, so what? The thing about space is, well, it无毛视频檚 the ultimate space with billions and billions of stars and planets and unknown wonders and candy wrappers and empty beer bottles.
Besides, we无毛视频檙e giving other galactic space travelers glimpses of our culture; we might as well show them the dirty side, too.
So, let the extraterrestrials think what they will about us and our space practices. If they like us, fine; if they decide we need to be destroyed, well, they无毛视频檙e going to have to get past our landfill (spacefill?) and satellite collection first.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 无毛视频� and Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com.