According to Hofmann: Haunted opposites attract(ions)
The mark of a truly fulfilling holiday is not the holiday itself, but all the different facets attached to it.
For example, Independence Day has parades, barbecue and fireworks; Christmas has gift giving, caroling, family gatherings, sled riding and ghost stories (hey, it无毛视频檚 mentioned in the song 无毛视频淚t无毛视频檚 the Most Wonderful Time of the Year无毛视频� so blame them) and Halloween has trick or treating, costumes, horror films and haunted attractions.
I used to love going to those attractions when I was a teenager and well into my 20s and 30s, trying to find the more innovative ones that really leave an impression on you, and make you want to return year after year 无毛视频� basically any attraction that sold beer.
Although I have a soft spot for them, there are a few things about these haunted attractions that I无毛视频檝e never really liked or understood.
I无毛视频檒l just mention the first and biggest 无毛视频� and maybe it无毛视频檚 just a gripe of horror in general 无毛视频� but what无毛视频檚 the deal with the need to recite children无毛视频檚 songs and sayings?
Whether it无毛视频檚 a haunted attraction, a book, a movie or on a truckstop restroom stall smeared with blood (or I hope that was blood), hearing or seeing a line from a kid无毛视频檚 song or rhyme just makes me roll my eyes.
Let无毛视频檚 face it, even a good actress like Kathy Bates drenched in blood (or I hope that无毛视频檚 blood) walking around a dark room with a rubber knife singing 无毛视频淭he Itsy, Bitsy Spider无毛视频� at a haunted attraction isn无毛视频檛 scary to me, and I really do want to embrace the creepiness of it all, but it doesn无毛视频檛 happen for me.
Perhaps growing older caused me to grow out of the things I thought were scary or disturbing at those places 无毛视频� things like the masked actors singing, slamming stuff around, popping up from out of nowhere, screaming or then opting for the bloody-disgusting gross out.
Something scary to me would be entering a well-lit room at a haunted attraction, seeing a meek-looking man seated behind a desk, and then he looks at you and calmly says, 无毛视频淲ell, well. Just in time for your audit. Sit down. Did you bring form 13W.08?无毛视频�
无毛视频淪weet mother of 无毛视频� Run!无毛视频� I无毛视频檇 scream as I pushed and stepped on other attendees to make my quick, cowardly exit.
With that being said, I have to say the scariest haunted attraction I ever been to just happened to be last year with my wife, Amber, in Ohio.
We were on our anniversary weekend trip and decided that one night we would check out a rather large and popular haunted attraction at an old prison.
We decided to hit the place early, around 6 p.m., and then grab dinner. We arrived at the prison and it was already well attended with the lot full and getting fuller with vehicles. When I looked over at the line, it was three rows wide 无毛视频� big, but non-threatening.
We purchased our non-refundable tickets and stood in line with me believing it would be a one, maybe two-hour wait and then dinner.
I无毛视频檇 like to say the line moved slower than molasses being poured by a sloth in zero-degree weather, but I无毛视频檝e never seen molasses being poured by a sloth in zero-degree weather, so I can无毛视频檛 technically qualify it; however, I always wanted to use a sloth-pouring-molasses-in-zero-degree-weather metaphor and, just like the line to the prison, it无毛视频檚 too late to turn back.
By the time we reached the corner of the three-width line three hours later, we were greeted by 无毛视频� another line that stretched around the prison.
I don无毛视频檛 know what was louder at the sight of the new line: me howling (some people said whining), my stomach growling or my feet barking. I was the most pathetic werewolf that ever hobbled the Earth.
Amber and I endured that line until we rounded the corner of the prison where we thought we would see the entrance to the attraction, but we were met with 无毛视频� wait for it 无毛视频� Another Line!
It was then I realized I was truly at the scariest haunted attraction ever as its dark magic was the sheer torture of waiting in line for almost six hours.
By the time we made it inside and the attraction started, I was so beat-up, hungry and in pain, nothing in the place phased me. At one point, an actor threw something at me that was attached to a rope, so it rocketed at my face and stopped short of hitting me.
I didn无毛视频檛 even flinch as I viewed everything with a thousand-yard stare.
One sign of good and scary haunted attraction is when it stays with you because, as Amber and I crawled back to our car and drove away for dinner, every place was closed at 2 a.m. That included restaurants, grocery stores and even the fast-food places that bragged about being open late in the night.
We wound up grabbing snacks and drinks at a 24-hour gas station to take back to the motel where I sat on the bed, munching on beef jerky and peanuts and shaking my head.
无毛视频淣ever again 无毛视频� never again,无毛视频� I said and repeated that a few dozen times. 无毛视频淚无毛视频檓 sticking with listening to ghost stories 无毛视频� at Christmas time, of course.无毛视频�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 无毛视频� and Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com.