According to Hofmann: Taking the ‘fun’ out of fundraising
In the years since graduating from high school, I无毛视频檝e always tried to stay true to the mantra I and many other students have adopted: I无毛视频檓 never going to use math when I get out of here.
You see, I was horrible at math无毛视频nd social studies, English, gym, study hall, biology, basic comprehension 101, etc.
That, dear people, is why I entered into the wonderful world of journalism and continue the romance I无毛视频檝e had with words to find just the perfect combination of letters, spaces and punctuation that projects my innermost thoughts and feelings and effectively conveys all that stuff to all yinz peoples.
While I still haven无毛视频檛 found a use for most school subjects in my social or professional life, I was horrified to realize how much I needed to know some kind of twisted advanced math when I had to fill out my stepdaughter无毛视频檚 school candy fundraiser order.
You无毛视频檇 think it would be a simple procedure 无毛视频� the basic exchange of buying and selling where I show someone something, they give me money for what they want and they receive the item they selected.
No. With a candy order form, it comes with a grid that reminds me of the hardest setting on the computer game 无毛视频淢inesweeper.无毛视频� There are roughly 12,000 blocks where you write the customer无毛视频檚 name, mark the item they want, write the quantity of that particular item they want and include their total cost.
It sounds easy on paper, but it无毛视频檚 not easy on paper, oddly enough.
When the order is due, you have to add up the number of orders, along with their price while factoring in those multiple orders of the same item from that mega grid.
Then you have to add up the money you无毛视频檝e collected and write down the totals that people still owe you, so you can make a point to break their legs at a later date because you无毛视频檙e distracted with math for the unforeseeable future.
When you factor in the cash and checks you无毛视频檝e been given, the money that无毛视频檚 owed, the number of orders and their costs, both totals should be the same, and you should have a zero balance.
Now, a zero balance may not be something you desire if you无毛视频檙e starting a high-wire act, but it无毛视频檚 perfect for my situation.
But, with all things perfect, it无毛视频檚 also unachievable.
When you first realize that you无毛视频檝e added up the orders wrong, you无毛视频檙e at the very last steps of the process. Then you go through the process again and find out that you无毛视频檙e wrong again, but you无毛视频檙e wrong in a different way.
For example, we were $30 short the first go around, then we were $11 over, then $3 short, and that was after we did the exact same process the exact same way.
That especially frustrated my wife, who said she thought we learned from our mistakes last year and the year before that and there无毛视频檚 no way math would get the better of us three years in a row.
She didn无毛视频檛 consider what I already knew from watching 无毛视频淭erminator无毛视频� films: history always repeats itself and there无毛视频檚 not a thing you can do to prevent it.
The next thing I knew, we had seven different totals after adding and subtracting everything five different times 无毛视频� and I realize that doesn无毛视频檛 make mathematical sense, but that was the mathematical vortex we found ourselves in.
I never thought it would be possible for me to rip the fabric of time and space, creating different dimensions where up is down, down is sideways and 1 + 1 = 3.6.
无毛视频淗ow can this be!无毛视频� I无毛视频檇 blurt out, holding my open hands out to the papers like they were going to give me an explanation.
You finally reach the point where you just want the mental torture to end, and you live with the idea that you无毛视频檙e going to personally pay an additional $532 to your daughter school无毛视频檚 fundraising efforts.
While that was bad, a few days following us sending out the check and the candy order, someone from the school contacted us to say we neglect to calculate two of the candy orders on the sheet无毛视频檚 order total; even with forgetting about those two orders, we still managed to overpay, but with the items included, we owed an additional $13.
无毛视频淧ay it!无毛视频� I hollered at my wife because missing a payment for a speeding ticket or to a seedy loan shark is one thing, but having the school know you无毛视频檙e a deadbeat is the recipe of doom. Rumors spread like wildfire in those places.
However, that phone call inspired me for the next fundraiser season.
I plan to jot down the orders and include a check for $50 and will let the school figure it all out.
If I overpay (if you order more than two things, it无毛视频檚 impossible to overpay with $50), then so be it. If I owe more, the school will call, and I无毛视频檒l make up the difference.
Either way, I无毛视频檓 including a note in the order that reads, 无毛视频淪eeing that I无毛视频檓 no longer in school, I无毛视频檓 staying true to my roots and not using math anymore; since you无毛视频檙e in school, the math is your problem.无毛视频�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One无毛视频nd Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com.