According to Hofmann: Fully-destroyed sneakers will save the economy
Sometimes it无毛视频檚 good to get some kind of confirmation that the Earth is, indeed, spinning off its axis and into the depth of insanity.
Knowing that really saves me from having my brain literally break inside my skull when I read articles like the recent one about a shoe company selling a line of sneakers meant to look torn and tattered.
Regular readers of this column who don无毛视频檛 use it as a non-medical treatment for insomnia know that four years ago, I wrote about a company selling a line of 无毛视频渕uddy无毛视频� blue jeans as part of a fashion trend for anyone who wanted to embody the much-sought-after ditch digger look.
So, of course, a high-end shoe company decided to do something similar and create what they call 无毛视频淧aris High Top Sneaker Full Destroyed无毛视频�.
To fully understand what 无毛视频渇ull destroyed无毛视频� means, if you work with alligators and crocodiles below and active volcano and had close calls on the jobs with those beast snapping at your feet, look at the worn shoes on your shoe rack and then look inside the closest garbage can from that, and you无毛视频檒l see what 无毛视频渇ull destroyed无毛视频� looks like.
Of course, I can only describe the product so much with my limited voca无毛视频acab无毛视频lar-words, so I无毛视频檒l leave it to the company.
The sneaker consists of 无毛视频渇ull destroyed cotton and rubber无毛视频� with 无毛视频渞ippings all over the fabric无毛视频� and the company无毛视频檚 logo graffitied on the sole of the shoe.
That doesn无毛视频檛 sound like the description of a shoe, it sounds like a list of problems with a used car posted on Craigslist.
And unlike a used car on Craigslist and just like the 无毛视频渕uddy无毛视频� blue jeans, the price for the luxury of looking like a ragamuffin is pretty high.
The shoes come in two colors: black with a bunch of crap done to it and an off-white that无毛视频檚 so off it triggers your sense of smell at a price of $1,850.
That无毛视频檚 not the best part. The best part is the fact that they say you can clean the shoes with just a wipe of a soft cloth.
What a chore that sounds like.
无毛视频淥h, here无毛视频檚 some dirt无毛视频o, that无毛视频檚 supposed to be there, we无毛视频檒l here无毛视频檚 a smudge-oh, that无毛视频檚 part of the design无毛视频kay, is this a real tear in the fabric or-wait, no, that was there when I mortgaged my house to buy these darn things.无毛视频�
I just hope this place doesn无毛视频檛 sell diapers because the poor parents of newborns have enough hardships right now with a baby formula shortage.
Then again, there are going to be parents out there who might buy the soiled-designed diaper at a 140% markup from regular diapers because, well, there无毛视频檚 no way to sugarcoat it, these people are time-traveling, vintage-clothing-store owners.
It无毛视频檚 the only thing that makes any sense. I don无毛视频檛 know anyone who would buy such a thing, I无毛视频檝e never seen anyone wear anything like that and I can无毛视频檛 imagine a mindset of someone would would want to spend that much on it.
The future might very well be a real crap-fest and people are so longing for 无毛视频渢he good-old days,无毛视频� that they want the real deal; or it could be future college kids going to parties dressed all tattered and announcing, 无毛视频淟ook at me, everyone! I无毛视频檓 a millennial!无毛视频�
That无毛视频檚 why I figure the competition among vintage clothing stores in the future must be so cutthroat that the store owners have to travel back in time to grab the ultra-rare items.
And if you think I无毛视频檓 making up the fact that vintage-clothing-store owners in the future have access to time machines, then prove me wrong 无毛视频� I无毛视频檒l wait 无毛视频� still waiting 无毛视频� didn无毛视频檛 think so.
Anyway, I无毛视频檇 love to see the sales pitch for some of this crap from the future vintage-clothing-store owners.
无毛视频淗i there! I see the sweat-stained and bird-pooped design along with the bill-bent feature in an uneven baseball cap has got your attention. Well, it无毛视频檚 from the second decade of the early 2000无毛视频檚-you know, when everyone lost their minds. Now look, I know you can go to any store on Mars and find hats exactly like this one, but this is authentically fake from that period. Where else can you find a better deal?无毛视频�
Not in the present, that无毛视频檚 for sure.
Also, with gas prices and, well, everything on the rise or out of stock, I think we better start figuring out how to advertise to future humans and possibly humanoids right now to have a new revenue stream and turn this economy around.
Of course, I can only describe these products so much with my limited voca无毛视频acab无毛视频lar-words, that I无毛视频檒l leave it to the company to describe it. They无毛视频檙e doing a bang-up job so far.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 无毛视频� and Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com.