According to Hofmann: Hacking up your food
During one of my regular trips to a certain fast food drive-thru to engage in death by super sizing, something caught my eye: they无毛视频檙e allowing customers to hack their menu.
I wasn无毛视频檛 surprised by the concept 无毛视频� it无毛视频檚 been around for years. I used to request special combinations at my local ice cream shop, which, at the time, was frowned upon.
无毛视频淚无毛视频檇 like a cheesecake-cookie dough ice cream, please,无毛视频� I无毛视频檇 say.
无毛视频淪ir, we ask that you not play God in this establishment,无毛视频� was the normal response, followed by, 无毛视频淥kay, okay! We无毛视频檒l do it! Please stop crying!无毛视频�
Still, I was surprised that the fast food restaurant 1.) promoted menu hacking and 2.) found some of the suggestions disgusting.
Don无毛视频檛 get me wrong, some hacks, like putting a hash brown inside a breakfast sandwich, sounded pretty tasty.
On the other hand, they also offer a Frankenstienian creation combining a beef sandwich, a chicken sandwich and a fish sandwich together into one.
The idea is to bring together animals that can occupy land, sea and air, but it sounds like something a pregnant woman with midnight cravings would come up with.
Now, people who know me may be shocked to read that the idea of such a thing is a turn-off to me and, to be quite honest, I was a bit surprised to find myself repulsed by it as well.
I mean, I无毛视频檝e been a staunch advocate of the turducken for years.
If you don无毛视频檛 know what a turducken is, you probably eat and love bean sprouts and kale, but I无毛视频檓 here to corrupt you.
A turducken is a turkey that is stuffed with a duck that has been stuffed with a chicken, baked and served at an insane asylum无毛视频檚 Thanksgiving dinner.
I always wanted to try a turducken, but the price tag for such a beast that doesn无毛视频檛 exist in nature is too rich for my cholesterol-tainted blood.
I know what you无毛视频檙e thinking because I无毛视频檓 about to write it: 无毛视频淢ark, you grand titan of terrible food, how can you be for a turducken and against the Land + Sea + Air menu hack? Are you stupid or something?无毛视频�
I may be a lot of things, but an 无毛视频渙r something,无毛视频� I am not.
But when you think about it, a turducken isn无毛视频檛 foul because it无毛视频檚 pretty much all fowl.
I无毛视频檓 not an animaltologist by any stretch of the imagination but when you start combining animals from different species and ecosystems in each bite, you无毛视频檙e asking for trouble on both a molecular level and a moral level.
Of course, there are exceptions like bacon-wrapped shrimp or bacon-wrapped turkey.
I think two different animals is acceptable from land, sea and air, but three is what triggers the negative response of 无毛视频済a-rosssss无毛视频�.
With that being said, I have to say I无毛视频檓 disappointed in the fast food chain无毛视频檚 menu hacks as I thought they were better than that. It is, after all, the same place that gifted us with a breakfast sandwich that uses pancakes injected with syrup for buns.
That was genius, and I sure hope the pregnant woman who came up with that isn无毛视频檛 the same pregnant woman who came up with the Land + Sea + Air combo.
I just hope her supervisor gives her a hard time about it.
无毛视频淲hat happened to you, Julia? You used to be inventive, dynamic and resourceful! We went forward with these menu hacks out of our blind faith in you. But, like Icarus, you built your wings on the laurels of your past and your unflinching hubris took you too close to the sun. I无毛视频檓 sorry, Julia, but we无毛视频檙e going to have to let you go.无毛视频�
无毛视频淲ait! I have an idea! We wrap the hack menu items in bacon!无毛视频�
无毛视频溛廾悠郸I无毛视频檓 listening.无毛视频�
So, folks, the next time you无毛视频檙e in the drive thru of your favorite fast food restaurant, just remember that some menu hacks were never meant to be无毛视频nless you cry about it, then it无毛视频檚 all good.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 无毛视频� and Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com.