According to Hofmann: The Great Recycling-Bin Caper
I remember as a kid either going to a museum, a doctor无毛视频檚 office or a haunted attraction (yes, I realize those three locations have nothing in common to cause me any confusion, but stay tuned) and while I was there, I really took notice of a life-like (so to speak) skeleton and thought it was creepy.
Maybe it was at the haunted attraction.
Anyway, someone then told me that inside everybody无毛视频檚 body is a skeleton. I don无毛视频檛 know if I was given that information to make me less scared or to completely horrify me.
You see, on the one hand, a skeleton is a natural thing that all mammals have inside of them; on the other hand 无毛视频� There无毛视频檚 a Freaking Skeleton Bony Hand Inside My Other Hand!!!
Maybe it was the doctor无毛视频檚 office, because who else would want to tell a kid of that?
Anyway, you can see how a revelation like that can fracture such a young and impressionable mind, which is why I无毛视频檝e avoided visiting museums, haunted attractions, doctor无毛视频檚 offices and sandboxes, which is another story for another time.
Nothing since then has caused such a rupture in my thought process 无毛视频� until someone stole my recycling bin.
Now, I have to admit, it may have been my fault as I get easily distracted, and I forgot to bring the empty bin up from the curb for a couple of few days after the recycling was picked up.
Upon discovering that this heinous crime took place, my initial reaction was to swear and then kick something 无毛视频� normally kicking the recycling bin because it was pretty sturdy and went a good distance when punted. That anger quickly passed, turning into something of a confused and potential misplacement of anger.
You see, someone who steals a recycling bin would more than likely need it because they want to recycle something, they want to do some good for the environment and no laws about stolen property are going to get in their way of that.
So, a part of me kind of has to admire their dedication to recycling, which far outweigh my recycling efforts.
To me, recycling was a routine done once every other week to take it to the curb with the garbage 无毛视频� just like brushing my teeth, showering and and paying bills 无毛视频� all of which I also do at the curb with the garbage.
I almost feel like a fraud in comparison to those thieves or thief, even though they无毛视频檙e conniving, tree-hugging hippie criminals.
I also had to wonder if the thief or thieves didn无毛视频檛 even know if they were thieving or thiefing because they may have been under the impression that I was leaving the recycling bin out on the curb because I didn无毛视频檛 want it; therefore, it was free for anyone to take (a.k.a. The Law of Curbside Gains).
The tragedy is that I无毛视频檝e relied on the Law of Curbside Gains to get rid of many household items the garbage man won无毛视频檛 take, but little did I know it would also burn me with a stolen recycling bin.
Live by the sword, die by the sword, I guess.
Then again, part of that law states, because I make this stuff up as I go along, that a sign should accompany the said item placed to the curb for such Curbside Gains.
Those signs normally have things written on them like 无毛视频淔ree,无毛视频� 无毛视频淭ake无毛视频� or 无毛视频淣on Toxic无毛视频 Think.无毛视频�
Once my inner turmoil over the recycling bin went away, I had to look at the bright side as I was left to think of the advantages of not having a recycling bin.
First, people driving by will not know how much alcohol I consume on a bi-weekly basis, which means I can finally make eye contact with my stepdaughter无毛视频檚 bus driver again as the last time I looked at her, she was shaking her head in disapproval. I even held up a beer as a peace offering, but she said it无毛视频檚 无毛视频渢he morning,无毛视频� 无毛视频渄angerous无毛视频� and 无毛视频渋llegal无毛视频� and she无毛视频檚 无毛视频渃alling the cops无毛视频� 无毛视频� sheesh! I try to be nice, and that无毛视频檚 the thanks I get.
Second, it无毛视频檚 one fewer thing to take to the curb on trash day. I无毛视频檓 fat and lazy. Enough said.
Third, I can finally look like a bad-ass rebel to my neighbors as they look over at my recycling-binless curb and me flipping down my clip-on sunglasses and giving off the vibe that says, 无毛视频淭hat无毛视频檚 right. I don无毛视频檛 recycle无毛视频nd I无毛视频檓 not trimming that bush until next summer either. Deal with it, reverend.无毛视频�
Ah, well, it无毛视频檚 nice to fantasize, but I无毛视频檒l likely just get a new bin and continue to do my small part (a bit larger part when beer is on sale during football season) to reduce waste and help the environment.
As for any recycling-bin thieves roaming the neighborhood, be warned. I may not have a scarecrow to keep you away, but I do have a skeleton, and I know where it is.
It无毛视频檚 on the curb with a sign around its neck that reads, 无毛视频淣on Toxic无毛视频 Think.无毛视频�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 无毛视频� and Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com.