According to Hofmann: Toys in cereal will save humanity
It无毛视频檚 not often that I无毛视频檓 appalled by a box of cereal, but then again, I thought pulling someone无毛视频檚 finger was a legitimate digestive aid until I turned 40.
So it无毛视频檚 of little surprise that I noticed something sitting next to the box of frosted cereal on the countertop the other day. No, it wasn无毛视频檛 the usual breakfast necessities like a bowl, or spoon or a fifth of Jack Daniels, but a cheap plastic toy encased in a package.
The odd thing about the toy was the package contained no residue from the cereal, so I examined that thing like it was a valuable piece of evidence at a crime scene until my head was filled with pain and voices.
Fortunately, one of the voices had me ask my wife if the toy was inside the bag with the cereal.
My wife said, 无毛视频淣o, the toy was inside the box, but it was outside of the bag of cereal in the box.无毛视频�
无毛视频淲ell, this is unacceptable,无毛视频� I said.
Why? Because we have denied kids the opportunity to learn the patience, the ingenuity, the perseverance and the sense of the hunt of finding a cereal box toy buried in the mounds of Cap无毛视频檔 Crunch, Count Chocula and Lucky Charms.
Also, if a kid has siblings, they无毛视频檙e denied old-school competitiveness and how to play dirty to get the prize. My brother once gouged his thumb into my eye to get to the stick-on tattoo from a box of Rice Krispies before me. Sure, I can无毛视频檛 legally drive at night, but I无毛视频檓 tougher because of it.
It无毛视频檚 like we haven无毛视频檛 damaged this generation of youngsters enough. You can无毛视频檛 smoke around them, you can无毛视频檛 have them prepare and deliver mix drinks to you and you can无毛视频檛 have them run around in the yard while holding target boards so you can play extreme lawn darts without the police getting all up in your business.
We were tougher as kids.
I remember going to the donut shop back in the 80s; the cramped space was normally packed with men and women drinking coffee and smoking cigarette after cigarette. When you walked into the door, it was like opening a cursed mummy无毛视频檚 tomb. The smoke embraced you and lulled you inside for a caffeine, sugar, a fat chaser and a hit of second-hand smoke.
Not only did the donut shop allow smoking, they also had those shoe box-size packages for the donuts where a dozen were crammed and smashed inside and caused toppings and flavors to mix and mingle.
Of course, that didn无毛视频檛 matter so much because when we came home to eat the donuts, they absorbed all of that cigarette smoke, and you could taste it when you bit into one.
I still remember the sandwich-board sign reading, 无毛视频淭oday无毛视频檚 featured donuts: Lucky Strike Lemon Filled and Marlboro Maple Bar!无毛视频�
Did we complain? No 无毛视频� mainly because we were too busy coughing and trying to gouge each other无毛视频檚 eyes to get to the last Camel Cinnamon Roll, but we didn无毛视频檛 complain.
Sure, I have COPD, PTSD and LOL from the experience, but I无毛视频檓 tougher because of it.
Today, a pack of candy cigarettes comes with a Surgeon General无毛视频檚 warning, but that无毛视频檚 only if you can find a pack of candy cigarettes.
So, this column无毛视频檚 message is, when you know a toy has been included with a box of cereal, do your future adult children a favor and bury it in the actual cereal. They无毛视频檒l grow up tougher, more resourceful and will have a good head on their shoulders.
Just look at me as an example.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 无毛视频� and Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com.