According to Hofmann: I say, “I do!” to virtual weddings
It无毛视频檚 no big secret that I both admire and fear two things: technology and mannequins. With every new advancement that makes our lives better and easier, there无毛视频檚 always a dark side, always the potential for things to get really bad and we end up with a scenario like in 无毛视频淭he Terminator无毛视频� or 无毛视频淭he Matrix无毛视频� or 无毛视频淢annequin Two: On the Move.无毛视频�
However, I find no flaws or hidden evils when it comes to virtual weddings.
I无毛视频檝e been invited to two virtual weddings无毛视频搈y cousin无毛视频檚 wedding last year and her daughter无毛视频檚 wedding over the weekend, both held in New Mexico.
Don无毛视频檛 get me wrong, I would have loved to have been in New Mexico to see all the 无毛视频渄o you无毛视频檚?无毛视频� and 无毛视频淚 do无毛视频檚!无毛视频� through the WiFi connection at the hotel because I love my family, but I hate weddings.
Before I get into the joys of the virtual wedding, let无毛视频檚 go over some of the old, some of the tried, some of the borrowed and some of the blues that wedding guests have to endure.
First, you have to wait. You get a save-the-date card that says you have to wait for the real invitation to arrive, you have to wait in the church for the thing to start and then you have to wait outside the church for the couple to come out. After that, you have to go to the reception and wait there during the wedding party无毛视频檚 photo shoot, then you have to wait to get food and then you have to wait for the thing to be over.
Second, even though it无毛视频檚 a family affair, you normally end up sitting with a stranger at the table. Maybe it无毛视频檚 one of my bugaboos, but when there无毛视频檚 a stranger where I无毛视频檓 sitting, I never know what to say or ask why they were invited to the wedding because they may be a relative or they may be a relative since an hour ago. No matter what, I无毛视频檒l end up saying something stupid.
That brings me to my third point, which are the opportunities to humiliate yourself.
Sure, those opportunities exist everywhere, but it seems like they无毛视频檙e maximized at a wedding. It无毛视频檚 something felt by the bride, the groom and the guests alike. It无毛视频檚 a big, important day where many people无毛视频檚 minds and cameras are switched to 无毛视频渞ecord无毛视频� because they want to cherish and relive every moment.
That gives anyone the chance to be a part of the blooper reel of those memories by saying the wrong thing, falling down, spilling/dropping food and/or drink and/or having a medical emergency, breaking something, drinking too much, hurling out profanities during the toast or laughing at something inappropriate.
Fourth and fifth point: dancing and dressing up. I hate doing both.
A virtual wedding eliminates or, at the very least, greatly reduces all of those social pitfalls.
First, it cuts the waiting time down by 90%. You get a card in the mail, telling you to click on a link on a certain day to watch the wedding. In my cousin无毛视频檚 case, the waiting time was a few hours prior to their impromptu event 无毛视频� it was wonderful!
Second, I can sit pretty much wherever I want 无毛视频� kitchen table, couch, the porch, the bathtub, the toilet 无毛视频� and I didn无毛视频檛 have to make small talk with strangers.
For the record, I didn无毛视频檛 sit on the toilet during the two virtual weddings, but during my cousin无毛视频檚 wedding, I did have to make small talk with a stranger, but that无毛视频檚 because I forgot to close the door at my house.
Now, the opportunity to embarrass myself still remained prevalent during the wedding; however, the window for others to actually notice the embarrassment was greatly reduced to, well, what looked like a window on the computer.
The best part about that was the fact that if I had a booger hanging or something, I could cut my video feed to pretty myself up again, essentially blinding people from me like I have mutant powers or something.
That brings me back to my fourth point, which is that even if there is a dress code for a virtual wedding, I can control the camera angle so they can无毛视频檛 see my 无毛视频淲ho Farted?无毛视频� t-shirt.
Last, but certainly not least, no dancing. Even if they peer pressure you into dancing, just pick up your phone and camera and move it all around to create the illusion of dance.
Truly, the benefits of attending a virtual wedding are bountiful; however, the one caveat is, even though it无毛视频檚 a virtual wedding, you still actually have to attend.
You can appear drunk, unshaven, yelling at imaginary peacocks or trying to beat the record for the most number of Slim Jim sticks shoved in your mouth, but at least have the decency for 无毛视频渂eing there无毛视频� and whatever you do, never 无毛视频� ever 无毛视频� put a mannequin in your place or some bad, apocalyptic stuff will happen.
Trust me.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One无毛视频nd Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.