According to Hofmann: Revenge of the Shoppers! (rated-R for retail)
As we all know, COVID-19 has brought the world wonderful new phrases and wonderful new practices like masking, social distancing, remote learning and liquor stockpiling.
However, now that vaccines are being administered and more businesses are expected to fully open again, the bulls are going to be let out of their pens, and they无毛视频檙e going straight to the local china shop 无毛视频� for revenge!
That无毛视频檚 right, after being holed up for a year, mostly taking part in online window shopping (maybe 无毛视频渟creen shopping无毛视频� is a more appropriate phrase), consumers are going to hit the malls and other retail outlets, but with a vengeance, it seems.
Many retailers are predicting 无毛视频渞evenge shopping无毛视频� or 无毛视频渞evenge spending无毛视频� will take place in the near future, involving consumers releasing their pent-up frustration in the only way they know how: by shopping.
It almost sounds like a horror-movie, like if you say 无毛视频淩evenge Shopper Susan无毛视频� six times in a mirror, Revenge Shopper Susan is going to appear behind you and slash you with her platinum card.
Normally, I wouldn无毛视频檛 bat an eye at a stupid phrase like 无毛视频渞evenge shopping,无毛视频� but this is 2021, the sequel to 2020, and I don无毛视频檛 think we can overlook anything anymore.
That means this whole revenge shopping thing is going to make Black Friday look like Brown Thursday!
I can only imagine the scene in the big-box-buy-in-bulk stores where crowds of people are smacking each other with an economy pack of disinfectant wipes and using a toilet-paper package the size of a kiddie pool as a shield. Although those items are now fully stocked and shoppers don无毛视频檛 even really need them in bulk, we无毛视频檝e been conditioned in the past year to be hunter/gatherers/hoarders.
We无毛视频檒l most likely have to use a whole new color and invent an entire new day to accommodate this trend of trends.
That无毛视频檚 why I无毛视频檓 throwing Green Plutday at the wall and see if it sticks.
Like some other days of the week named after Greek gods, Plutday is named after Plutus, the god of spending and wealth.
I figure it无毛视频檚 appropriate because Plutus was the god on whom Pluto was based, and I feel bad for that god getting the short end of the stick because he was classified as a planet and then not a planet. Now Pluto is pretty much just a cartoon dog.
Plutday can be placed between Friday and Saturday, and can be a part of the new three-day weekend as well as an annual national holiday.
The holiday will have to fall in the second week of March because that无毛视频檚 roughly the middle of tax season and when many people are most likely to receive their tax refunds. They then can ransack the outlets to revenge shop like they无毛视频檝e never revenged shopped before, mainly because revenge shopping is a brand new and terrifying concept.
That brings me to my warning: we as a society must also be wary that other revenge reactions will emerge once life goes back to normal 无毛视频� or the new normal 无毛视频� or the throwback normal 无毛视频� or the normal previously known as normal.
So prepare for things like:
Revenge handwashing 无毛视频� five seconds, no soap, deal with it.
Revenge breathing 无毛视频� unmasked people taking deep breaths of everything they can in public and then exhaling like a steam whistle.
Revenge distancing 无毛视频� total strangers giving each other piggyback rides.
Revenge spitting 无毛视频� if it无毛视频檚 raining when there无毛视频檚 no clouds, run!
Revenge partying 无毛视频� a roaming group of people just barging into random homes to have a party and then moving on.
Revenge door-knob licking 无毛视频� well, you can just visualize that.
Revenge work meetings 无毛视频� the whole company huddling in a single board room, sitting on each other, sharing each other无毛视频檚 food and maybe taking part in a few rounds of Spin the Bottle.
Revenge dining out 无毛视频� don无毛视频檛 visit the all-you-can-eat buffets for at least three weeks unless you want to risk losing a finger or two in the mayhem.
Revenge yodeling 无毛视频� I haven无毛视频檛 heard live yodeling in a year; don无毛视频檛 know why, but I无毛视频檒l stay tuned for that wall of sound.
Revenge spectator seating 无毛视频� did I write 无毛视频渟eating无毛视频�? What I meant was hoards of fans sitting, standing, climbing, clawing and clutching to tightly pack themselves into the stands from the littlest of little-league ball fields to super mega stadiums.
Yes, who can truly say what无毛视频檚 going to emerge in 2021 and a post-coronavirus world, but just remember the old Spanish saying, revenge is a dish best served cold 无毛视频� so assault whoever prevents you from buying ice cream in bulk.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One无毛视频nd Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.