According to Hofmann: Traffic jammin’
As we无毛视频檙e well into summer and heading out on holiday excursions, vacations, parties, reunions and casino heists, it无毛视频檚 pretty much a solid bet that if you travel by car on a trip a distance of over 150 miles, you无毛视频檙e going to hit traffic.
Also, why do we say 无毛视频渉it traffic?无毛视频� You don无毛视频檛 actually hit the traffic, but actually just slow to a stop behind it and then wait in the organized mess of it.
We should say something like, 无毛视频淭he traffic stopped me, so I then hit the traffic, but I was then arrested for vehicular manslaughter.无毛视频�
I guess it无毛视频檚 like saying you park in the driveway and drive on the parkway 无毛视频� unless there无毛视频檚 traffic congested on that parkway, then you actually do a little bit of driving and a whole lot of parking, and you do that over and over and over again.
When you无毛视频檙e literally stuck in that situation, you certainly learn a few things about yourself, like if it无毛视频檚 time to get new brakes, the strength of your bladder and the strength of your will to live.
You also get to see a lot of stuff 无毛视频� slowly 无毛视频� and mercilessly.
I was once stuck in traffic so long that I saw a help-wanted sign in front of the building and was able to call to find out about the job, do a phone interview, was hired, put in one honest day of work and then handed in my resignation 无毛视频� I told them it was fun and made a lot of good friends, but I had to move along 无毛视频� literally.
You also get to stare at cars in front of you and learn everything about them to the point where you无毛视频檙e hoping the people in those vehicles do something illegal so you can give the police a detailed description.
无毛视频淵es, officer, it无毛视频檚 a maroon in color 2017 Honda Civic Hatchback XL Sport, Virginia license plate number PSL5979, a window decal on the lower passenger-side rear window that reads, 无毛视频淚 Brake for Dolphins,无毛视频� and was produced by the Hamilton Decal Co. in 2019; there无毛视频檚 a dent on the upper right of the rear fender which was caused by either a foul ball at a softball game or a falling Granny Smith apple from a tree, and the rear of the car sits at a .0974-degree angle due to a retreaded tire on rear driver side and a slightly deflated tire on the passenger side.无毛视频�
The cops would think you无毛视频檙e the Sherlock Holmes of the highway.
They say when you无毛视频檙e faced with danger and in a life-or-death situation, you find out who you truly are. I found the same applies when stuck in traffic, especially when it comes to the eventual moving and the inevitable merging.
I discovered that I无毛视频檓 a pushover, but that passiveness can be trumped by my sense of highway justice. I also desperately cling to a sense of karma 无毛视频� or carma, in this case 无毛视频� but I无毛视频檝e grown jaded and skeptical over my years behind the wheel, tracing the issue back to my childhood and an unfortunate incident between my Big Wheel and a neighbor无毛视频檚 push mower.
You also have a lot of time to self-diagnose mental ailments while you无毛视频檙e stuck in traffic as new ones seem to emerge.
But my self-diagnosis is very true to my driving. I believe that letting a person go in front of you should be rewarded by another person doing the same when I need to merge to the other lane.
I also believe that those who refuse my gracious invitation to merge in front of me as they choose to drive right up to the merge point should be punished by not allowing them to merge or, at the very least, have an active beehive thrown into their backseat.
Normally, when something like that happens, my passengers start to wonder if the last lug nut on my tire finally popped off and if they无毛视频檙e going to die.
无毛视频淒on无毛视频檛 let him merge, don无毛视频檛 let him merge 无毛视频� you无毛视频檙e letting him merge!无毛视频� I yell while beating the steering wheel. 无毛视频淵ou无毛视频檙e letting him merge after he did that?! What无毛视频檚 wrong with you people? All bad things in life should happen to you and him and all at the same time!无毛视频�
无毛视频淢ark!无毛视频� my wife pleads through her tears. 无毛视频淭hat无毛视频檚 a bus full of Catholic schoolchildren, and a nun is driving the bus.无毛视频�
无毛视频淚 hope her rosary has bumble-bee repellent because Sister Mary Clarence has gone over the line this time!无毛视频�
Then God sends a lightning bolt down to my car, but something like that should be saved for the unholy speed demons that are so addicted to going 50 miles over the speed limit and weaving in and out of traffic to get ahead, they feel compelled to do the same in a traffic jam.
Yeah, there无毛视频檚 truly nothing like watching a Maserati revving the engine and gunning it to 35 miles per hour to move five feet only to stop behind a Winnebago with a bumper sticker that reads, 无毛视频淢y Kid Beat Up Your Honors Student无毛视频�.
Of course, if the Maserati is the getaway car for a casino heist, then the driver should be more worried about the vehicle stuck directly behind them and, inside, another Sherlock Holmes of the highway is on the case.
Now that无毛视频檚 carma for you.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 无毛视频� and Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.