According to Hofmann: A hypo-pathetical hangover cure
It无毛视频檚 true what they say, every rose has its thorn, every head has its tail, every yin has its yang and every Cheech has its Chong.
It无毛视频檚 also true that every act of fun has its consequence. In the case of a night with too much drinking, the consequence is a morning hangover.
Even the most masochistic person in the world doesn无毛视频檛 enjoy a hangover无毛视频搘aking up with a pounding headache, light sensitivity so bad that the soft glow of a candle feels like a prison search light in your eyes, you无毛视频檙e so dehydrated that you feel the need for someone to invent a Gatorade IV drip because if you swallow anything other than your poisoned saliva, you无毛视频檒l likely chuck it back up.
It无毛视频檚 easy to calculate the amount of money it costs for you to get drunk, which is roughly $25 when you factor in the $19 for a 30-pack of Milwaukee无毛视频檚 Best Ice and $4.50 for half a bottle of Tortilla Tequila Gold. Of course, I无毛视频檓 not including limes and salt and those shots of cloudy moonshine your friend bought off a guy from the back of a carpet van.
However, Rehabs.com recently conducted a survey of 3,050 adults about how much they would pay for an instant hangover cure.
Now, before you celebrate by reaching in your desk drawer for your bottle of rum or ripping the bottle of bourbon out of its duct-taped cocoon under your home-office chair, know that the survey is for a 无毛视频渉ypothetical hangover cure,无毛视频� which is the equivalent of window shopping for a yacht right after purchasing your Powerball ticket.
I无毛视频檒l touch upon the deceptive nature of the survey a little later because the results of the survey itself are, quite frankly, mind boggling to me and that无毛视频檚 not because of my electrolyte imbalance due to last night无毛视频檚 gin-filled-balloon fight.
According to the email sent to me, the average Pennsylvania would pay $61 for an instant hangover cure.
Why $61? I don无毛视频檛 know; they didn无毛视频檛 say why and didn无毛视频檛 point out why the total wasn无毛视频檛 rounded down to $60 because $61 sounds too odd and too specific.
Keep in mind, though, polls can be quite deceptive as the pollsters do need to disclose some information on how the poll was conducted, specifically what state of mind those being polled were in because the same person could give different answers like in the following无毛视频�
Sober and not hungover: 无毛视频淲ell, I haven无毛视频檛 been hungover since the day after my bachelor party or maybe the day after my wedding无毛视频搘ait, the day of my wedding无毛视频ell, one of those days. So, I无毛视频檇 probably pay $20 for an instant hangover cure because I无毛视频檓 saving money for a divorce lawyer.无毛视频�
Drunk: 无毛视频淚无毛视频檇 pay nothing, man! I无毛视频檓 going to be good, good, so good无毛视频n fact, I can do anything! Hold my beer while I run through this brick wall无毛视频搚ou无毛视频檒l see!无毛视频�
Hungover: 无毛视频淣o so loud! An instant hangover cure? I无毛视频檇 pay $60 because I无毛视频檓 running late for my air-traffic-controller job. I无毛视频檒l actually throw in an extra dollar if the cure gets the taste of alley cat out of my mouth.无毛视频�
The study goes further to show how much money people from other states would pay for the magic hangover cure that doesn无毛视频檛 exist.
For example, people in Louisiana (or Louisianans or Louisianites or Louises?) would pay $83 for the cure, but those from Maine (Mainers, Mainians, Maniacs?) would pay the lowest amount of $15 for 无毛视频淗angover-B-Gone无毛视频澪廾悠祿I无毛视频檓 working on a name because I want to cash in on this whenever it happens.
As baffling as the $61 Pennsylvanians are willing to pay for 无毛视频淗angOver and Out Elixir,无毛视频� the fact that they can无毛视频檛 explain the differences in the price people in different states are willing to pay is odd as the study didn无毛视频檛 attempt to find out why there无毛视频檚 a difference.
Perhaps it无毛视频檚 because some states drink more alcohol than others and can handle a hangover.
According to a study by Vinepair.com (yes, I无毛视频檓 doing way more research than this column deserves) Pennsylvania consumes 25.2 million gallons of booze every year and is 5th in the country, Maine consumes 3.3 million gallons of alcohol and places 39th and Louisiana consumes 9.7 million gallons and places 23rd.
You know what, that really didn无毛视频檛 help my theory at all, so never mind. Maybe I无毛视频檒l just stick to how people were feeling when questioned.
Yet again, the Hungover Potion #9 is purely hypothetical, but the Rehabs.com only offered the advice to avoid hangovers by not drinking in the first place or getting help if you can无毛视频檛 stop drinking, which should have been obvious by the name Rehabs.com.
But for everyone else, I will now reveal to you that my years of research has brought me to a real hangover prevention cure, and it无毛视频檚 relatively free and distant-relatively simple.
For every alcoholic drink you have, you must follow it up with a glass of water.
The only drawback is the fact that after the first few drinks, you无毛视频檒l be visiting the bathroom every 10 minutes or so throughout the entire night and people will start questioning you about the size of your prostate.
It无毛视频檚 a small price to pay, but at least the price isn无毛视频檛 $60无毛视频�$61, if you want that alley-cat taste out of your mouth.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One无毛视频nd Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.