According to Hofmann: Rage against the dying of the Christmas lights
The procrastination involved with taking down Christmas lights is a phenomenon that scientists are eventually going to get around to studying when there无毛视频檚 a warm day and when they have a free afternoon.
I certainly put off taking down my lights this year. It wasn无毛视频檛 the latest I ever kept them up, but it was late enough that I couldn无毛视频檛 use my tried-and-true excuse that I was observing an Orthodox-Catholic Christmas, even though I无毛视频檓 a Methodist.
Instead, I无毛视频檝e been telling people that I joined a cult that preaches laziness. For the record, it无毛视频檚 called The Procrastination Movement无毛视频ventually.
But the motivation for putting up the lights was the same motivation that caused me to take them down, and that无毛视频檚 the nagging wife. So, it was either take down the lights or enjoy the display from the doghouse, so it was a no brainer.
However, taking down my Christmas lights is a reminder that I didn无毛视频檛 know what I was doing when putting up the lights in the first place.
Nothing illustrated that better than me standing on my porch with a long string of lights wrapped around my hands and arms and even one leg and leading in a criss-crossed pattern to the porch columns. Oh, yeah, I无毛视频檓 crying, too.
It was then I considered starting The Procrastination Movement无毛视频ventually so I wouldn无毛视频檛 worry about putting the lights up at all.
Anyway, during every step in the take-down process, I无毛视频檓 wondering what I was thinking when putting up the lights in the first place way back in late November or early December. Most likely, my brain was in the twilight moment of recuperating from Thanksgiving while dreading the Christmas season, so it无毛视频檚 little wonder that I have no recollection of the outside decorating.
Of course, when first opening the storage container full of lights, I wondered why I packed the lights inside so haphazardly except for the string of lights fashioned as a noose.
I really should start writing notes to myself when unboxing and boxing up the lights. I may learn some things about myself every year.
无毛视频淗i, Mark. This is Mark,无毛视频� the letter would read. 无毛视频淗ow are you? I am good. Anyway, half of the lights on this strand are out, but instead of throwing them away, I无毛视频檓 going to let you attempt to find the bad light and fix the strand. But let无毛视频檚 face it, you无毛视频檙e going to lose your mind after testing the first seven lights and just hang it up with only half a strand working. That无毛视频檚 your legacy; have fun with it. I无毛视频檓 going to hibernate until Groundhog无毛视频檚 Day. Bye.无毛视频�
What an arrogant punk I was back then!
Anyway, another thing about taking down the lights is the fact that most people live in front of a road where, all throughout the Christmas season, passersby get to enjoy your light show; those same people going by your house also have the chance to root for you to be involved in a serious home accident when taking down the lights.
You can无毛视频檛 deny it. It无毛视频檚 the same mentality of people going to a NASCAR race because, yes, like seeing Christmas lights, watching a bunch of cars make a left turn for 200 laps sounds pleasing, but not as thrilling as witnessing a 40-car pileup or observing a schmuck无毛视频檚 balancing act on a rickety ladder to untangle a knot of lights from a 20-foot-high rafter with one hand and holding a beer in the other hand.
Every time I put myself in such a potentially dangerous situation and vehicles passing by, I无毛视频檓 waiting for them to honk their horns and startle me into falling while the passengers have their phones ready to call 911.
Thankfully, neither happened this year, and I was able to get the lights down无毛视频ventually.
So, as I say goodbye to holidays and place the lights back in the box and then stomp them down so I can close the storage container, I also thought to write myself a note with simple instructions for later this year.
无毛视频淗i Mark. This is Mark. How are you? I am fine. Switch to Judaism.无毛视频�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One无毛视频nd Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.