According to Hofmann: The Bad News Bearers
Nobody likes to hear bad news, but it seems there are people out there who kind of enjoy relaying bad news and have their own unique way of doing so.
Now, to be clear, I无毛视频檓 not talking about the bad news that drastically alters someone无毛视频檚 life like the death of a beloved relative, a house burning down, finding out you无毛视频檝e been robbed, finding out you无毛视频檝e been robbed and the robber then burned down your house or the discontinuation of the McRib or Shamrock shake at McDonalds.
This bad news is actual news that无毛视频檚 bad locally to globally. It无毛视频檚 something you would eventually hear on the news, and has befallen people you may be several degrees or several years separated from. That无毛视频檚 the news some people can无毛视频檛 wait to share with you.
The first person in my life to do this is my mom, but with her, it无毛视频檚 almost like the worst game of 无毛视频淕uess Who无毛视频� ever.
For a fictional example:
无毛视频淢ark, do you remember that kid who was on your soccer team?
无毛视频淚 remember most of them.无毛视频�
无毛视频淣o, this kid was kind of tall, had brown hair无毛视频ξ廾悠禎
无毛视频淚 don无毛视频檛 know who you无毛视频檙e talking about.无毛视频�
无毛视频淵es you do. You two were friends on the team, he came over here once for your birthday party无毛视频ξ廾悠禎
无毛视频淯mm无毛视频ot ringing the bell.无毛视频�
无毛视频淵ou know him! His name started with a 无毛视频淒无毛视频� like Danny or Donny or Dante or无毛视频撐廾悠禍
无毛视频淲ait. You mean Dylan?无毛视频�
无毛视频淵es! That无毛视频檚 it!无毛视频�
无毛视频淵eah, I remember him.无毛视频�
无毛视频淲ell, he died yesterday. Turned to dust by an alien ray gun. Nasty way to go.无毛视频�
无毛视频淢辞迟丑别谤!无毛视频�
I have to admit, that exchange looks funnier on paper than relaying it on a therapist无毛视频檚 couch.
Anyway, it seems that my wife, Amber, has picked up that particular baton from my mother. Amber, however, doesn无毛视频檛 play guessing games 无毛视频� she passes it right along to me, but at a slow burn. Then again, she works in the medical field so it无毛视频檚 more of a bandage slowly being peeled off the skin.
Let无毛视频檚 use the example of my fictional dead soccer-playing companion.
无毛视频淥h, guess what,无毛视频� she normally starts. This is a trick question because she launches right into the story without waiting for an answer.
无毛视频淵ou know that guy who knew who you played soccer with, Dylan? So, his fiancee无毛视频� posted on Facebook that he didn无毛视频檛 come home from his job at the bank, and she tried everyone, she called his parents, his friends, the police, and nobody could find him. Well, I guess the Martians got him, zapped him when he was crossing the street during Monday无毛视频檚 invasion. All hail Leader Zort, by the way. Yeah, nothing left except a pile of ash, a watch and some dental work. Oh, here comes our waiter; are you in the mood for an appetizer or no?无毛视频�
With Amber, it无毛视频檚 not just deaths, but she tells me about break ups, crimes, infidelities, what fictional character is being canceled any given week and people无毛视频檚 general bad behavior.
At first, I thought it was just me. I thought maybe I attracted such news like I attract bed bugs and spare remote controls to unknown devices, but I was out with Amber and my brother-in-law, and Amber started telling a story when my brother-in-law said, 无毛视频淥h, here comes Amber with her depressing news!无毛视频�
So, why is it some women are the ones who are breaking these bits of news? You无毛视频檇 figure it would be more ingrained in our DNA that the opposite would be true.
Think about the cavemen out hunting and gathering while the cavewomen are home, cave-keeping and raising cavekids.
无毛视频淗ow was hunt, dear?无毛视频� she asks her mate, and I无毛视频檓 translating because the actual text would be something like 无毛视频淏lah fragh goop de-hrgb, dear?无毛视频�
无毛视频淕ot bad news,无毛视频� the male says. 无毛视频淵ou know Lugh from three caves down? He didn无毛视频檛 make it无毛视频he mastodon got him.无毛视频�
无毛视频淥h no! Shalg must be a wreck! I无毛视频檒l go over and see her.无毛视频�
无毛视频淣o need. I claimed her as my second wife. She无毛视频檚 outside the cave carving up the mastodon.无毛视频�
I know that sounds sexist, but keep in mind that was roughly a million years ago无毛视频揼ive or take a few hundred thousand years. If you want to cancel the history of the caveman next for being problematic, then good luck with that, but don无毛视频檛 tell me about it.
I无毛视频檓 sure my wife is going to sit down to dinner one week and say, 无毛视频淕uess what? Now they无毛视频檙e trying to cancel the caveman!无毛视频�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One无毛视频nd Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.