According to Hofmann: The curse of the purse
Ladies, I love you, but there are things about you I无毛视频檒l never, ever understand.
Of course, there无毛视频檚 the obvious code words you use during an argument that mean something totally different; I无毛视频檓 still waiting for Google Translate to help me out with phrases like 无毛视频淒o what you want to do无毛视频� and 无毛视频淲e need to talk无毛视频� and especially 无毛视频淚 hate you, and I wish you were dead!无毛视频�
Other things include why you use makeup to make it look like you无毛视频檙e not using makeup, when you无毛视频檙e using makeup.
Finally, what on Earth is a 无毛视频済ood cry无毛视频� and why is it okay to have a 无毛视频済ood cry,无毛视频� but when I use 无毛视频済ood profanity in front of children and the elderly无毛视频� it无毛视频檚 a problem?
But today无毛视频檚 focus will be on purses 无毛视频� handbags, shoulder backs, side packs, traveling storage facility 无毛视频� whatever you call them.
The first point is the logic of it all.
The late comedian George Carlin had a routine where he said the whole meaning of life is trying to find a place for your stuff.
A purse certainly fits the bill to have a place for stuff 无毛视频� and what stuff it is!
Since I无毛视频檓 a guy, my first idea about a purse is something to hold money, but my wife corrects me that women have wallets and the money and the important cards and photos go in the wallets.
无毛视频淲ell, where do the wallets go?无毛视频� I asked.
无毛视频淚n the purse, of course,无毛视频� was the answer followed by, 无毛视频淎long with a lot of other stuff.无毛视频�
Besides the wallet, I found women keep in their purses makeup kits, notebooks, pens, cell phones, candies, mints, gum, prescriptions and over-the-counter medications and pepper spray/Tasers.
Now, that无毛视频檚 just one purse because, for some reason, there无毛视频檙e more purses and more beyond that, which brings me to my second point, how many is enough?
My wife continuously tells me I need to replace my wallet because it无毛视频檚 无毛视频渨earing out无毛视频� and 无毛视频渇alling apart无毛视频� and 无毛视频渟melling really bad and attracting feral animals.无毛视频�
I have no intention of ever replacing my wallet until it cannot perform its intended duties, which is to hold my stuff, and I don无毛视频檛 care if it无毛视频檚 basically a thin and weathered leather strap held together by duct tape and dental floss and on the verge of exploding.
My wife, on the other hand, wants to buy a new purse before the first one is broken in or before the mist from the pepper spray she used on me has dried.
无毛视频淏ut you just got a purse, didn无毛视频檛 you?无毛视频� was my mantra whenever we would go shopping.
无毛视频淵eah, but that无毛视频檚 a Michael Kors purse!无毛视频� she said, like it meant something to me and would force me to abandon logic.
And it almost works until I look at the price, which brings me to my third point: how much!??!?!?!?!
I can go out and buy a wallet for under $10 无毛视频� under $20 if I opt for real leather and no Velcro. Sure, I understand that it无毛视频檚 not like a purse that can be accessorized with shoes, clothing, hats, jewelry and electronic monitoring bracelets. A wallet is only a bulge in a back pocket until it无毛视频檚 taken out and thoroughly emptied to purchase a purse.
One thing I noticed in my purse research is that purses with company names consisting of names of real people are really expensive.
As previously mentioned, there无毛视频檚 Michael Kors as well as Vera Bradley, Marc Jacobs and what I无毛视频檝e recently learned to be the Holy Grail of purse designers, Louis Vuitton.
Someone I know had won a Louis Vuitton purse, and when I learned that she thought the purse was too small and wanted to get rid of it, she said someone she knows was willing to give her $2,000 for the purse, which goes for $1,7000 retail.
That, I think, would lead to a good cry, but I told her I needed to see a purse that expensive with my own eyes.
She came out with a big box that read 无毛视频淟ouis Vuitton无毛视频� on it, she placed it on a chair and opened the box where she then pulled out what looked like a cloth bag.
无毛视频淭hat无毛视频檚 just a cloth bag,无毛视频� I said, but then found out the purse was inside the cloth bag.
Now, the purse didn无毛视频檛 look like it was anything special to me as it无毛视频檚 an item to carry stuff, yet this turducken-esque oddity was basically stuffed into stuff that was then stuffed into some other stuff.
In the end, the purse is yet another one of those things you ladies have that guys will never understand or want to understand.
All we ask is to keep it way under $1,000 or we无毛视频檙e going to need to talk and have a good cry over it 无毛视频� I think.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One无毛视频nd Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.