According to Hofmann: Return to the valley of the American Girl dolls
The more I learn about fatherhood, the more I realize that fatherhood is mainly about standing around and holding stuff.
That notion was made crystal clear following my stepdaughter无毛视频檚 11th birthday.
Emma really didn无毛视频檛 have a birthday party last year due to COVID-19 restrictions 无毛视频� then again, in retrospect, the party无毛视频檚 theme of 无毛视频淎 Door-Knob Lickin无毛视频� Good Time无毛视频� was probably not the best selling point for 2020 (or any year).
We decided that instead of a party this year, we can use the $1.3 million that would normally go to a party center, food, cake, presents, decorations, party favors, shady back-alley deals, bail from prison, etc. and use it to book a hotel room and have her visit the Mecca for girls, The American Girl doll store in Columbus, Ohio.
As an extra bonus, my wife, Amber, and I didn无毛视频檛 have to buy anything at the store because we asked all of Emma无毛视频檚 aunts, uncles, legion of grandparents and great-grandparents, cousins and the dog, to give Emma only money for her birthday.
I must say that the kid made bank 无毛视频� so much so that I started hitting her up for money, but then she said a credit check was involved, so I backed off.
I honestly didn无毛视频檛 know what to expect at the store other than I knew I was going to be bored out of my skull. I was hoping to stay in the hotel room, watching HBO and being disappointed that, whenever you get a chance to watch HBO in a hotel room, they never show anything good.
But Emma wanted me to go with them to the store because, well, someone had to stand around and hold things.
The store is located at a place called the Easton Town Center, which is basically the Rodeo Drive of Ohio.
The indoor/outdoor shopping center was made up of high-end retail stores like Williams-Sonoma, Tommy Bahama, Louis Vuitton, Michael Kors, Lane Bryant, Kendra Scott, Eddie Bauer and Ann Taylor, which I assumed were the worst-sounding names for a superhero team-up ever.
So, yeah, I really didn无毛视频檛 fit in, but I was there for Emma, and she used my talents early on by giving me her doll to hold as we entered the store.
Along with Emma buying stuff in this place, Amber made Emma无毛视频檚 doll an appointment to get her hair done. Nope, I无毛视频檓 not making that up.
Actually, it was the hair appointment that allowed us to bypass the line outside because of the maximum occupancy restrictions, and let us into the store like we knew someone who knew someone who let us into an exclusive club.
Yep, that无毛视频檚 what I get to brag about nowadays.
As with any shopping experience, Emma quickly turned into her 无毛视频淥ooh, I want, I want无毛视频� mode and started grabbing boxes of dolls and accessories for the dolls off the shelves as Amber followed her to assist in the looting 无毛视频� I mean, shopping.
Then there无毛视频檚 me, standing around and holding Emma无毛视频檚 doll because the doll无毛视频檚 hair appointment was going to happen soon and I had to stand there in case Emma was still pillaging 无毛视频� I mean, shopping.
As Amber and Emma started for the checkout line, I offered to pay for the items while they waited with the doll for the hair appointment; however, Amber said, 无毛视频淓ven though it无毛视频檚 Emma无毛视频檚 birthday money, you无毛视频檒l bleed out of your eyes when you see how much this stuff costs.无毛视频�
She had a good point, but I was still stranded, holding a doll and praying they无毛视频檇 return before I was summoned to present the doll to the hairstylist 无毛视频� and never in my life did I think I无毛视频檇 write that sentence, but there you go.
In that store, prayers never reach the sky because, before I knew it, I heard, 无毛视频淗airstyle appointment for Hofmann无毛视频�.
I felt all eyes on me 无毛视频� from the sympathetic dads feeling my pain, to the scorn of little girls and their mothers still waiting 无毛视频� as I approached the doll hairstylist and handed her the doll.
无毛视频淥kay, and this is for Hofmann无毛视频ξ廾悠禎 she said, checking the computer. 无毛视频淎nd your doll无毛视频檚 getting a waterfall and braids, correct?无毛视频�
无毛视频淎 waterfall?!无毛视频� I screamed. 无毛视频淗ow much is that going to cost?!无毛视频�
They assured me that a waterfall is a hairstyle and that I should stop sobbing and causing a scene.
Fortunately, Emma came over to watch the procedure, leaving Amber at the checkout line. But no worries as Amber finally arrived holding two large bags for me, of course, to hold.
And as we left the store, Emma had a smile on her face that a sandblaster couldn无毛视频檛 remove. Amber had the glowing joy of a mother who experienced one of the happiest birthday experiences ever through her daughter 无毛视频� well, that and she also saw a nearby purse store having a sale.
无毛视频淵ou don无毛视频檛 mind standing here and watching these bags while I go in, do you?无毛视频� Amber asked as she and Emma pushed strangers out of their way to go inside.
无毛视频淣ot at all,无毛视频� I said. 无毛视频淭hat无毛视频檚 what fathers are for.无毛视频�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One无毛视频nd Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.