According to Hofmann: Second laundry list of woes
So I took a poll after last week无毛视频檚 column where I argued that doing laundry is an insane act.
The majority of those polled agree that there无毛视频檚 nothing insane about doing laundry as it无毛视频檚 a necessity, and they unanimously agreed that since they answered my various laundry questions, I should unlock my basement door and free them.
Of course, they无毛视频檙e wrong on both counts, and the reasons are evident in the routine of doing laundry as I无毛视频檝e previously covered separating, washing and drying clothes.
Now, keep in mind the process at that point involves moving clothes from where you dress and undress and redress and address upstairs, to have your clothes cleaned a floor or two or three or more in a basement only to have to take them back upstairs again.
There are some exceptions, of course, like people who live in mobile homes, ranch-style houses or people who just decided it无毛视频檚 time to move to the basement to live like a 24-year-old slacker at his parents无毛视频� house.
When my brother moved into his new house, their washer and dryer were on the same floor as the bedroom and upstairs bathroom.
During the house tour, my late father thought it was the greatest innovation since tap water because he hated doing laundry, too.
无毛视频淚无毛视频檝e heard about these things before, but I无毛视频檝e never seen it,无毛视频� I remember him saying. He sounded like a Bigfoot enthusiast who one day bumped into a Sasquatch on a city bus.
While having the washer/dryer on the same floor is a step in the right direction, laundry machines really need to take a lesson from dish washing machines. They无毛视频檙e not only on the same floor, but right in the same room with the things that need washing无毛视频搈ost of the time in arm无毛视频檚 reach like silverware, plates, bowls, pots, pans, ninja swords, handcuffs, etc.
Anyway, there无毛视频檚 so much traveling involved with laundry, the only thing worse on all accounts is actually driving, walking or hitchhiking through seedy neighborhoods to go to the laundromat.
When I lived in an apartment, I made the weekly trek to the laundromat and if hauling clothes upstairs and downstairs is like a savage journey on the Oregon Trail and dying of cholera, then going to the laundromat is like visiting another planet and dying of cholera.
The strange thing about the laundromat is the fact that everyone thinks everyone else there is a psychopath, and you actually start to feel like one after a while.
Just try to picture yourself as a grown person pushing a gurney full of wet clothes in search of an available dryer while trying to count in your head how many quarters you无毛视频檒l need to pump into a dryer to get your clothes at least dry enough (or not-still-wet enough) so you won无毛视频檛 have to resort to hanging your shorts on your ironing board or hanging socks and underwear across your apartment on a clothesline made out of dental floss to dry无毛视频揳ll the while keeping your eye on the weirdo hoarding those mini-boxes of Gain detergent.
Meanwhile, the soap-box hoarder is looking at you with caution because, 1. You无毛视频檙e getting suspiciously close to his cherished soap boxes and 2. You无毛视频檙e muttering to yourself about quarters and hanging underwear all through your house with dental floss.
Speaking of hanging clothes, let无毛视频檚 talk about folding clothes.
Now, for some odd reason, the only thing I truly enjoy about laundry is folding clothes. I don无毛视频檛 know what it is, but there无毛视频檚 something about folding clothes无毛视频揺specially putting the wrinkled-mess of shirts into these perfect rectangles that makes me feel like I无毛视频檓 restoring some order into the universe.
Just don无毛视频檛 say that out loud at the laundromat because everyone, even the soap-box hoarder, will farther distance and also likely further distance themselves from you.
Of course, I无毛视频檇 be remiss if I didn无毛视频檛 mention the phenomenon of socks without a match.
Sherlocks Holmes couldn无毛视频檛 figure that out, so I can无毛视频檛 even begin to imagine how two socks enter, one sock leaves like the dryer is the Thunderdome.
I also can无毛视频檛 imagine why we as rational human beings believe these sock singles are going to be reunited with their significant others some day.
My wife has a special basket for these footwear refugees.
It无毛视频檚 difficult to feel any emotion for inanimate objects other than paper clips, but I hate walking past that sock basket and seeing those socks; it无毛视频檚 like they无毛视频檙e staring at me, and I无毛视频檓 looking back like I无毛视频檓 saying to them, 无毛视频淢aybe this next load, you will be a pair again.无毛视频�
无毛视频淪top it!无毛视频� the socks holler back. 无毛视频淭his is the seventh laundry day! They无毛视频檙e gone forever! Just don无毛视频檛 make puppets out of us so we can die with some dignity!无毛视频�
Yes, I无毛视频檓 well aware that this is most certainly a 无毛视频渇irst-world problem无毛视频� and a bit of a 无毛视频渕ental problem无毛视频� in my case, and I agree that I无毛视频檓 being whiny about it all, but it is a problem worth whining about until a sound solution is found.
But before that can happen, my best solution is relying on those locked in my basement to do the laundry. Maybe then I无毛视频檒l consider letting them go.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� is available on Amazon.com.