According to Hofmann: Our future…according to ‘Demolition Man’
I无毛视频檝e been going back and forth on whether I was going to write a column on COVID-19, the coronavirus, Wu Tang Flu, etc.
On one hand, it无毛视频檚 a very serious subject that does not jive with my juvenile insensibilities. On the other hand, there are many that have not let the seriousness of this pandemic arrest their juvenile insensibilities. On the other hand (because I was born with a three-hand deformity), I无毛视频檇 really rather write about people and movies.
So, if I learned anything about this outbreak, it无毛视频檚 that people won无毛视频檛 change as the events of the past few weeks have only reinforced or enhanced people无毛视频檚 existing behaviors.
The brave are still brave (I无毛视频檓 talking to you, first responders and those in the medical field), the greedy are still greedy (I无毛视频檓 talking to you, person purchasing crates of toilet paper and hand sanitizer), the idiots are still very much idiots (I无毛视频檓 talking to you, spring breakers at the beach) and the conspiracy theorists have enough material to keep them busy for the next three decades (I无毛视频檓 talking to you, person in the tin-foil hat who always watches me when I look in the mirror).
While I can go on and on with the ways people are reacting to other people无毛视频檚 reactions, I find it more disturbing that people are making comparisons of this pandemic to films like 无毛视频淥utbreak,无毛视频� 无毛视频淐ontagion无毛视频� and even 无毛视频淐addyshack II.无毛视频�
However, there are times where I put my futurist hat over my tin-foil hat and look for life imitating art, which is why the most accurate film to pay attention to this day and age is 无毛视频淒emolition Man无毛视频� because it shows us where we无毛视频檙e heading.
That无毛视频檚 right. 无毛视频淒emolition Man,无毛视频� the 1993 Sylvester Stallone sci-fi/action hybrid of awesomeness about a cop (Stallone) who is placed in a cryogenic prison along with his criminal nemesis (Wesley Snipes), both of which are revived 36 years later in 2032.
The interesting aspect of the movie is the future where society has achieved a passive existence, which the characters of Stallone and Snipes turn on its head through good-old-fashioned 90无毛视频檚 action-packed violence.
While the society in the film is non-violent, it also practices social distancing to where the characters don无毛视频檛 even touch each other routinely or even intimately; so, of course, if I were Stallone无毛视频檚 character and partnered up with the character played by the gorgeous Sandra Bullock, my first thought would be any red-blooded American males无毛视频� thought, which is how doctors check for hernias in the future. Scary right?
But that无毛视频檚 the least of the problems in that future as an ongoing joke in the film is the bathrooms having no toilet paper, but instead have three seashells that Stallone无毛视频檚 character couldn无毛视频檛 figure out how to use.
Now, wonder if today无毛视频檚 unprecedented demand for toilet paper both figuratively and literally burns out the toilet paper industry, then what are we left with?
The three seashells.
The movie never explains how they无毛视频檙e used, but I have a pretty solid theory, which I can无毛视频檛 reveal here because this is a family column无毛视频ust don无毛视频檛 ask what family because they无毛视频檒l deny it.
Anyway, the third is, of course, Taco Bell being the last restaurant to survive the 无毛视频淔ranchise Wars,无毛视频� meaning all restaurants are Taco Bells.
Now, I have my doubt this will happen in our reality because while every restaurant has been hit hard with dining-room restrictions, I see no shorter lines at Taco Bell than any other restaurant.
Then again, for one movie to show accurate signs of a possible future we face, I think we all better start taking this virus seriously and stay home whenever possible and remember basic hygiene or, some day years from now, you无毛视频檙e going to do a post-Taco-Bell run to the bathroom and be greeted by three seashells, and if you agitate your inguinal hernia in the process, well, you better hope there无毛视频檚 a seashell for that.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 无毛视频漇tupid Brain,无毛视频� is available on Amazon.com.