According to Hofmann: Parking spaced-out
It无毛视频檚 unfair to say that it无毛视频檚 impossible to find a parking space nowadays, so I无毛视频檒l do some fancy word-smithing to lower the definition of impossible by a few degrees by putting the word 无毛视频減retty无毛视频� in front of it.
Like I said, it无毛视频檚 无毛视频減retty无毛视频� impossible to find a parking spot nowadays, and that无毛视频檚 because so many are reserved.
It used to be just handicapped parking, and that was fine as it helped people and wasn无毛视频檛 an inconvenience to park in other spots.
But then reserved spaces for expecting mothers appeared out of the blue无毛视频搊r out of the pink if she无毛视频檚 expecting a girl.
By the time we adjusted to that, other reserved parking spaces popped up and included curbside pickup, preferred VIP customers, employees, VIP employees, pharmacy pickups, people who are offended by the color magenta, embarrassed men rushing in to buy feminine hygiene products for their wife or girlfriend, employees who are offended by the color fuchsia, people named Marvin, expecting adopting mothers and fully-loaded clown cars.
I know that doesn无毛视频檛 seem like a lot, but you tend to notice it when you无毛视频檙e driving through a crowded parking lot and suddenly feel your spirits lifted when you see that prime spot sitting pretty between two vehicles and located close to the store with no other vehicles on the hunt for it.
You无毛视频檙e about to swing your car in when you stop short and curse because it无毛视频檚 a space reserved for fathers carrying triplets in a chest harness.
You know if you take the spot, then you无毛视频檒l actually see a father carrying triplets in a chest harness, and you无毛视频檒l be crushed with guilt when he gives you the Look of Shame.
You instead end up parking on the other side of the lot where all of society无毛视频檚 rejects congregate, and you constantly wonder if you无毛视频檙e going to return to see your vehicle on blocks and how bad your chaffing is going to be from your trek to and from the store.
The other problem is trying to explain to someone how you fit the requirements of the space to which the space is reserved?
If you don无毛视频檛 have a handicapped placard, you can always explain that you are what无毛视频檚 considered 无毛视频渟emi-unhandicapped无毛视频� until you pass the seafood aisle in the grocery store and your high anxiety kicks in from an inking incident involving a rabid squid in the Atlantic Ocean when you were a toddler on vacation with your family at the Outer Banks in 1987 when there was a full moon one night. You see, it无毛视频檚 the details that make the story more believable.
When I used to get grief over parking in the spot for expectant mothers, I used to say that I just so happened to be expecting a mother, as my wife is a mother and my mother is certainly a mother and is even a grandmother, which multiplies the motherhood. Then, when I started to lose that verbal jousting match, I just placed my hands on my already swollen stomach and said, 无毛视频淵es. And what are you implying?无毛视频�
But now it无毛视频檚 difficult to keep the stories straight.
As an example, I once parked right in front of my local drug store, and I didn无毛视频檛 even bother to read where I parked because I was in a hurry to rush into the store, use the restroom while doing collateral damage to it in the process, then browse along the cold-and-flu section before nonchalantly leaving the business before the scene of the crime would be discovered.
Of course, as soon as I got out of my car and started restroom-hobbling toward the store, some weekend-parking-space warrior shouted at me, 无毛视频淗ey! You can无毛视频檛 park there, dude!无毛视频�
无毛视频淥h, that无毛视频檚 okay,无毛视频� I said. 无毛视频淚无毛视频檓 totally a无毛视频m无毛视频urvivor of a bleeding ulcer? I just left my card at home. I must have left it in my office desk drawer, wedged between my electric bill from two months ago with a late-fee charge of $25 and the updated version of my fan letter to Wilford Brimley where I mention无毛视频撐廾悠禍
无毛视频淨uit bogging down your lie with details! You parked on the sidewalk!无毛视频�
无毛视频淵eah, that无毛视频檚 right! I无毛视频檝e been afflicted with sidewalking for years!无毛视频� I said as I side-walked into the drug store.
Now, before this reserved-parking-space craziness gets more out of hand, I think if we stop trying to join groups to be handed rewards of designated spaces and if we start acting like individuals and fight tire and bumper to earn the best parking space we can get like nature intended, then I无毛视频檓 sure we无毛视频檒l survive the trials and tribulations of this year of our Lord 2020.
Well无毛视频无毛视频檓 无毛视频減retty无毛视频� sure.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� is available on Amazon.com.