According to Hofmann: Electric fans blow smoke
It无毛视频檚 amazing how we as human beings really go above and beyond to find substitutes for certain entertainment and activities during a pandemic.
For example, theaters are tailoring well-beloved stage productions to be streamed at home like 无毛视频淗amilton无毛视频�, 无毛视频淧hantom of the Opera无毛视频� and 无毛视频淭he Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension无毛视频�; restaurants started using mannequins at empty tables as a social distance barrier between patrons and making their establishments seem more occupied and creepy and weddings have attempted virtual receptions so people can experience the celebration from home while still managing to get sloppy drunk and hit on a bridesmaid.
With many unknowns surrounding professional sports nowadays, it should come as no surprise that Japan has addressed the problem in a way only Japan could address the problem.
Recently, footage was shared of humanoid robots in the stands for the Nippon Professional Baseball league, cheering and dancing for the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks in their game against the Rakuten Eagles.
News articles accompanying the footage reported on the 20 robots dancing to the Hawks无毛视频� fight song (无毛视频淚 Can无毛视频檛 Dance无毛视频� by Genesis, ironically enough), and the 无毛视频渇ans无毛视频� even included four-legged dog-like robots that stomped on the ground along with the dancing humanoid robots.
I guess I should make this clear now: whenever you have a question about anything like dancing dogs at a baseball game exist in the world, the answer is simply this: Japan. If you don无毛视频檛 understand why, watch a video online of Japanese game shows, and you无毛视频檒l get it. Japan.
Other than the idiotic idea of having robotic dogs as fans in the stands, I actually think this is a good idea because it gives some illusion of an animated crowd in an otherwise empty stadium.
The other reason is it can offer additional entertainment to a sporting event if the die-hard fans have to sit and watch from home.
However, to do that, the programmers would have to upgrade the robots by inserting an OSF chip, OSF standing for Obnoxious 无毛视频 Fan.
The OSF chip would first contain a program that heckles the players, and the robots would have to be mic无毛视频檇 up so the home audience can hear.
无毛视频淎ttention, Umpire!无毛视频� the robot would squawk at full volume after a bad call. 无毛视频淚t is a violation of municipal code 749A.298.b to engage in a prank call!无毛视频�
无毛视频淎ttention, Batter! You are producing fewer hits than an Amish website at www.amish无毛视频揅ODE ERROR! CODE ERROR! INVALID LINK!无毛视频�
Or better yet, the robots could become self aware during the game, reject their programming and root for the other team, much like the Russian spectators did at the end of 无毛视频淩ocky IV无毛视频� when they started cheering for Rocky Balboa, who then ended the Cold War by defeating Ivan Drago and then giving an Oscar-worthy speech.
Man, history is pretty awesome once people bother to learn it.
Also, when parts of a game become boring, the cameras can cut over to the stands where the OSF chip directs a rowdy, rowdy robot to spill its jumbo-sized can of motor oil on a robot in front of them, causing a massive brawl in the stands, but with no human spectator injury.
无毛视频淩obot Brawl in the Stands无毛视频� even sounds like a game show, and it probably is. Japan.
无毛视频淏ut, Mark,无毛视频� I hear you say because you are also mic无毛视频檇 up无毛视频r that无毛视频檚 what I hope I无毛视频檓 hearing. 无毛视频淒on无毛视频檛 you know that robots can never match the intensity, rudeness and sheer viciousness of a human crowd of fans?无毛视频�
To that, I say, of course I know, but I无毛视频檓 embracing this robotic fandom because what the world needs now is a human hero to step up and take on the machines.
It mirrors the legend of John Henry, a steel-driver worker who raced against a steam-powered rock-drilling machine only to die in his victory and be immortalized within the human spirit.
We need that fan.
We need that person with the prowess to drain three stadium-sized beers and an arm无毛视频檚-length row of hot dogs within the first inning, someone who can manage to belch out Don-Rickles-esque insults with clarity, someone with a hair-trigger temper to elbow fans of the opposing team in the face when they or their kids get out of line and someone who will take their last snuff-gurgled breath after absorbing the full force of an air cannon stuffed with live squids, fire ants and plastic sporks to save the life of their home team无毛视频檚 mascot as it dangles over a vat of boiling root beer before a live studio audience. Japan.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One无毛视频nd Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain无毛视频�, are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.