According to Hofmann: Mark v. The Made-up Makeup Monster
The constant battles I无毛视频檝e been fighting to prevent my 10-year-old stepdaughter from growing up too fast have taken on another adversary: makeup.
At first, the prospect of seeing Emma at the ages of 4, 6 and 8 attempting to put on makeup was adorable and often quite funny. She either looked like Pablo Picasso and Jackson Pollock had an art-battle throwdown all over her face, or like Tammy Faye Bakker applied makeup to her face after several glasses of chardonnay and offroading on the hood of a Jeep.
Of course, there无毛视频檙e no in-betweens because the results of both those images I just detailed look exactly alike.
However, now that Emma has reached the age of 10, her hand is steadier and her focus to look absolutely fabulous is now laser sharp.
Also, the idea of her going out of the house all无毛视频ξ廾悠禎made up无毛视频� to the point where she无毛视频檚 无毛视频渁ttracting无毛视频� boys is 无毛视频渢errifying无毛视频� to me.
One day after we had an in-depth conversation about our favorite archaic flavors of Kool-Aid 无毛视频� she says Grape Tang, but I say nothing compares to Bunch Berry 无毛视频� she brought up the subject of makeup and how she plans to use various cosmetics, starting with lipstick.
无毛视频淵ou don无毛视频檛 want to use lipstick,无毛视频� I told Emma. 无毛视频淎nything that makes your lips stick together is just awful. Sure, your mother and I would appreciate the sweet, sweet silence from your back-talking, but we无毛视频檒l miss your voice无毛视频ventually.无毛视频�
无毛视频淣oooooo!无毛视频� she whined, making me wish I had lipstick for her. 无毛视频淚t无毛视频檚 to make your lips red, just like blush makes your cheeks red!无毛视频�
无毛视频淭hink about it, Emma,无毛视频� I said. 无毛视频淲hen people blush, they无毛视频檙e embarrassed about something. Why would you purposely do that to your face?无毛视频�
Then Emma launched into a great list of other types of cosmetics available on the market, and I was frightened by her knowledge of the arsenal of weapons from Est茅e Lauder to Revlon. I almost expected her to go into gory details of cosmetic surgeries like rhinoplasty and lip augmentation.
However, I was fully prepared to strike down everything she threw my way, and I无毛视频檝e included a list of makeup products she mentioned along with the argument I made against them.
This is for all those dads in similar situations. To them, I say: Stand strong, gentlemen, have a stiff upper lip and try to avoid eye contact无毛视频specially if her eyelashes are an age-defying emerald green.
Eyebrow Pencil: That is stupid. Why would you write notes on your eyebrows? You can无毛视频檛 see them and if you look at them in the mirror, the letters will probably show up backwards.
Mascara: Yes, that无毛视频檚 an acceptable makeup around Halloween because you wear a mask that can scare ya.
Eyelash Glue: You might as well use lipstick on your eyelids, so you can neither see nor talk.
Bronzer: Getting bronzed is totally insane. Did you ever see the James Bond movie 无毛视频淕oldfinger无毛视频�?
Concealer: Why would you wear makeup to cover your face? If it无毛视频檚 a concealer like a hijab that Muslim women wear around their faces in public, then maybe that无毛视频檚 a cosmetic choice I can support until Emma reaches her dating age, which is 35.
Makeup remover: I have no problem with this other than suggesting to skip the middleman and not even apply the makeup in the first place.
Foundation: What? Are we talking creams and powders or wood and concrete? If you aren无毛视频檛 specific you could end up with a face full of cement, so you might as well have bronzed yourself.
Finally, the whole concept of makeup itself isn无毛视频檛 real, and the reason why is in the name because somebody made it up.
That argument went on for about three hours and, when all was said and done, I felt like I had won even though I knew I lost.
Because, like all great debates, both sides left with some compromises being made.
Emma has agreed to drink Rock-A-Dile Red Kool-Aid to give her lips that scarlet hue of mystery that all women want to achieve, and I agreed to allow her to start wearing any kind of makeup she wants when she reaches dating age无毛视频n 25 years.
Heh, heh, heh无毛视频�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� is available on Amazon.com.