According to Hofmann: I hos-pity the fool
For me, there is no more surreal place than a hospital emergency room waiting room. It无毛视频檚 a place where you believe you need emergency medical assistance, yet you can still watch television on office furniture in a room filled with sick strangers.
Even saying 无毛视频渆mergency room waiting room无毛视频� sounds like a contradiction. Maybe that无毛视频檚 why hospitals decided to change the names from 无毛视频渆mergency rooms无毛视频� to 无毛视频渆mergency departments无毛视频� because changing ER to ED eliminates some confusion unless you think the ED is for an erectile dysfunction support group and made an embarrassing trip to the hospital for nothing.
Anyway, my earliest and fondest and most magicalest memory of going to the ER was when I was a kid 无毛视频� maybe 10 years old or so 无毛视频� when my brother and I thought it was a good idea to play king of the hill on our cousins无毛视频� bunk beds.
What could go wrong?
So, what went wrong involved me making a heroic rise to the top bunk to dethrone my brother.
Almost reaching the top, my sociopathic sibling struck me down, which made me fall off the bed, striking my head on the corner of a nearby radiator.
Like all kids do when an injury occurs, my brother and cousins ran away to avoid blame and punishment.
However, my blood-curdling screams brought my mother in the room to see my gaping head wound when she immediately said, 无毛视频淓www gross无毛视频un away!无毛视频�
Things got a little fuzzy from that point, which happens when such an injury is involved, but I remember my father driving my mother and me to a hospital where we sat in the emergency room waiting room, and I specifically remember watching 无毛视频淭he Golden Girls无毛视频� on the waiting room无毛视频檚 television.
I tell that story for two reasons: One, readers of this column finally get the answer to their age-old question, 无毛视频淲hy is this guy like this?无毛视频�
The answer, obviously, is a minor head wound and oxygen deprivation from laughing at 无毛视频淭he Golden Girls无毛视频� on the same night.
Two, emergency room waiting rooms haven无毛视频檛 changed much in 30 years.
Sure, the d茅cor and procedures have been updated, but on the sociological aspect and general desolation, nothing has changed无毛视频specially the boredom.
You can read the magazines scattered on different tables and whatnot, but those are a letdown because they无毛视频檙e either too old to be relevant or based on an obscure subject with titles like 无毛视频淔ish Noodling Monthly,无毛视频� 无毛视频淐rochet Weekly无毛视频� or 无毛视频淧eople.无毛视频�
Some ER waiting rooms even have novels available to read, which is both a nice pleasantry and a little disheartening.
无毛视频溛廾悠禈War and Peace无毛视频�?! How long do they expect me to wait out here? It takes me three weeks to read a magazine article unless it无毛视频檚 from 无毛视频楩ish Noodling Monthly.'无毛视频�
The titles of the books don无毛视频檛 help either.
There无毛视频檚 nothing like going down a line of books and seeing such classics like 无毛视频淟es Miserables无毛视频� (you sure got that right) 无毛视频淎s I Lay Dying无毛视频� (I haven无毛视频檛 even been seated yet) and last, but not least, 无毛视频淭he Five People You Meet in Heaven无毛视频� (sorry, but before I meet those people, I无毛视频檇 like to meet a doctor first).
A good distraction is playing the game everyone plays when in the emergency room waiting room even if they don无毛视频檛 know they无毛视频檙e playing it: What无毛视频檚 Wrong With That Person?
The name of the game says it all, but with any game, it无毛视频檚 good to have a point system.
You receive 5 points if you correctly guess which person in a group is the patient; you get 10 points if you can correctly give the best educated guess on what brought them to the ER.
Sometimes your guess is validated when a nurse comes out from the ER to the waiting room and disregards HIPAA laws and says something like, 无毛视频淥kay, Mr. Williams, let无毛视频檚 get that severed leg looked at.无毛视频�
Or you may casually overhear a patient in triage screaming, 无毛视频淚 swallowed my car keys!无毛视频�
Yeah, I know it无毛视频檚 a sick game (literally and figuratively) and can make an already depressive setting morph into a black hole of despair, but what else are you supposed to do there? Sure, people are playing on their cell phones, but they无毛视频檙e actually texting people stuff like, 无毛视频渟ome guy swallowed his car keys! LOL 15 points!!!无毛视频�
What I无毛视频檓 trying to say is if you want a pleasant memory of going to the ER, you better be ready to play ball or hope 无毛视频淭he Golden Girls无毛视频� are having reruns on the waiting-room TV.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 无毛视频漇tupid Brain,无毛视频� is available on Amazon.com.