According to Hofmann: Sage against the machine
I didn无毛视频檛 want to write yet another column about my ongoing belief that computers are going to take us over like I learned from movies like 无毛视频淭he Terminator无毛视频�, 无毛视频淭he Matrix无毛视频� and 无毛视频淭hrow Momma From the Train无毛视频�, but please keep in mind that the machines were the ones forcing my hand (well, both hands since I type) to write about just that.
Their latest attempt is to take away our thoughts.
Okay, maybe I presented my conclusion too soon, so let me reel that back before the nice young men in their clean, white coats come to take me away.
I guess it all started with the auto-correct feature that exists on various word processor programs, search engines and cellphones.
You start typing a word or even a sentence, and the computer tries to figure out what word you无毛视频檙e typing like it无毛视频檚 a constant guessing game that only the computer is playing.
无毛视频淚无毛视频檇 love to try some of your a[arsenic?] ap[apes?] app[appendages?] appl[appliances?] apple[apples? It无毛视频檚 apples. We knew it all along!].无毛视频�
Like most people who are lazy, I welcomed the computer-generated suggestions as it kept me from extra typing, saving me time to reflect on what I wrote and even more time to realize what I wrote makes me sound even more like a drooling dunce.
However, I then noticed my email starting to act fun[funky, right?] 无毛视频� no! 无毛视频� funny.
It seems email programs are adding new help features every other week, starting with suggested replies at the push of a button.
If you don无毛视频檛 know what I mean, the next time you reply to an email or a text message, you无毛视频檒l see there may be a few choices displayed around where your text is to appear. If you click on one of the choices, that will be your answer, saving you from typing it.
The problem I found with that is whenever someone who knows me sends me a message, they无毛视频檙e not expecting me to respond with the generic, lame answers the program provides. Normally, I reply with a snarky comment or a statement of self-flattery. I know, right? That无毛视频檚 surprisingly humble of me.
For example, if someone texts me a dirty joke, chances are I无毛视频檓 not going to reply with 无毛视频淟OL无毛视频� or 无毛视频淚 enjoy your humorous anecdote无毛视频� or 无毛视频淢y sympathies to the nun who walks into a bar无毛视频�.
It goes without saying there无毛视频檚 no good computer-generated option to fit one无毛视频檚 personality unless you are a cyborg, but it goes with saying that the computer无毛视频檚 provided replies can无毛视频檛 fit into 92% of conversations.
To better illustrate, I conducted an experiment where I sent messages to myself and tried to answer with all the answers provided.
MARK ONE: 无毛视频淐an you sit on a cactus for me, please?无毛视频�
MARK TWO: 无毛视频淥f Course! You bet! What kind?无毛视频�
MARK ONE: 无毛视频淟et无毛视频檚 go with the Jumping Cholla cactus The barbs are hollow and when they make contact with the moisture of someone无毛视频檚 skin, they actually curve and lock into place underneath the top layer of epidermis. It无毛视频檚 really painful.无毛视频�
MARK TWO: 无毛视频淪ounds good. Sounds good to me. Perfect!无毛视频�
MARK ONE: 无毛视频淪o, how did it feel sitting on that cactus?无毛视频�
MARK TWO: 无毛视频淧retty good. It was fine. Not bad.无毛视频�
It says in the Bible that laziness brings on a deep sleep无毛视频nless you have curved cactus barbs in your rump because you were too lazy to type a negative response to your psychotic friend.
The whole thing even jumped to social media where, the other day, I was responding to a post informing me that 无毛视频渕ean people suck无毛视频� with an emoji of a devil face sticking out its tongue because I happen to be mean and take delight in mocking such posts.
However, when I went to reply, a row of emoji faces popped up and what did I see? A hand expressing thumbs up, balloon letters spelling out 无毛视频淵ou Go, Girl!无毛视频�, a frowny face, a crying face and a unicorn farting a rainbow.
The computers didn无毛视频檛 even give us time to get comfortable with them telling us how to speak and think and moved on to tell us how to feel!
That无毛视频檚 why we have to fight these software programs with sarcastic cleverness at every turn and not settle for their easy answers as our thoughts and our feelings are at stake!
If we don无毛视频檛, then we will regret no[nothing, because I无毛视频檓 just kidding. LOL! Thank you! Sounds great! Have a nice day! You, too!]
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 无毛视频淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One无毛视频nd Dying, Too无毛视频� and 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� are available on Amazon.com. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday.