According to Hofmann: Happy Birth Date!
I recently started to think a lot about the concept of birthdays because people on my Facebook page just insisted that I was going through one.
It无毛视频檚 not that I don无毛视频檛 know the point of a birthday无毛视频搃t无毛视频檚 to document your age, even though more and more, people say it无毛视频檚 only how old you feel that counts. Of course, people start saying that sort of stuff when they become old and have decided to jog every now and then. So, in the context of that notion, I 无毛视频渇eel无毛视频� my age to be 18 years无毛视频fter dying in a horrible fall off a long cliff followed by an explosion.
But let us get back to birthdays and the celebrations that come with it无毛视频or some reason.
It certainly seems like the first few birthdays of a child无毛视频檚 life are more of milestones for the mother as a way to honor her for carrying around a bun in her oven for nine months (until the bun totally destroys the oven in its grand escape).
无毛视频淢ark, you idiot, if that无毛视频檚 true, then why do people give presents to the children for those first few birthdays?无毛视频�
Well, aggressive voice in my head, who says those presents aren无毛视频檛 actually for the parents?
Think about the birthday parties you无毛视频檝e attended for children and whenever the parent opens a gift. They say, 无毛视频淣ow I don无毛视频檛 have to buy extra clothes!无毛视频� or 无毛视频淭his toy will distract this little demon long enough for me to appreciate the miracle of birth control!无毛视频� or 无毛视频淭hank you for the tequila, Mark!无毛视频�
From there, it无毛视频檚 a gradual transition on a sliding scale from birthday presents being exclusively for parents, to presents being exclusively for the kids. That normally happens around their 11th or 12th birthdays.
The age where the child stops receiving birthday presents for the rest of their lives should be 13, but the tradition of birthday parties and birthday presents are so ingrained in a child无毛视频檚 mind that cutting them off cold turkey would cause the collapse of society within a month.
Allow me to take a quick timeout to point out that the word 无毛视频渂irthday无毛视频� itself is inaccurate.
Your birthday is just that one day out of your whole life.
What you annually celebrate is your birth date.
So why do we embrace such blind, drooling ignorance? The culprit is the same reason we celebrate holidays like National Look Alike Day, and that无毛视频檚 the greeting card companies.
You see, back in the day, the greeting card companies found they can save money on ink by printing 无毛视频淗appy Birthday无毛视频� on cards instead of 无毛视频淗appy Birth Date!无毛视频� because 无毛视频渂irth date无毛视频� has nine letters and 无毛视频渂irthday无毛视频� only has eight letters.
It doesn无毛视频檛 seem like much, but birthday cards are easily their biggest and most consistent seller throughout the year, so once you factor in every person in just the United States getting on average three birthday cards a year along with the volatile price of ink, then omitting that one letter saves the greeting card companies roughly $42 billion on ink every year.
Presents, parties and birth-date cards aside, it无毛视频檚 customary to wish people happy birthday if you know it无毛视频檚 their birthday, if you are informed it无毛视频檚 their birthday or if you hack into their computer and come across their personal information and then you happen to run into them on the street or see them at your court proceeding on their birthday.
Whenever I无毛视频檓 required to wish somebody a happy birthday, I can无毛视频檛 help but to wonder why I无毛视频檓 congratulating them.
I mean, am I happy they managed to survive the birthing process? Well, seven out of 10 times, yes, but unless they无毛视频檙e 2 or 3 years old, the shimmer and shine has pretty much faded from that medal of honor.
What really rubs me the wrong way, like petting a hedgehog, are the folks who insist on telling you it无毛视频檚 their birthday.
It无毛视频檚 fine if the person is asked when their birthday is or if it comes up naturally in a conversation, but those who make it their mission to proclaim their birthday to everyone including total strangers should have no mercy.
无毛视频淗i, Dan.无毛视频�
无毛视频淗i. Today无毛视频檚 my birthday.无毛视频�
无毛视频淢an, Dan, I wish I could gift wrap a punch in the face for you.无毛视频�
无毛视频淏ut are you going to wish me a happy birthday?无毛视频�
Now, unless the person is either extremely old or has struggled with serious health problems, even feeling the need to tell them happy birthday never really sat well for me. Congratulating them on surviving another year really doesn无毛视频檛 seem earned to me.
However, I tolerate it and play along because a civilized society is a fragile thing, and I don无毛视频檛 want to be the non-compliant anarchist to topple that.
We无毛视频檙e going to have enough troubles when people stop buying presents for kids on their 13th birthdays.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He co-hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 无毛视频淪tupid Brain,无毛视频� is available on Amazon.com.