According to Hofmann: Big-time small talk
I hate to admit it, but every now and then you have to talk to people.
For many, many years, I无毛视频檝e attempted to avoid speaking to people through a slight shyness and a clinical loathing for humanity and hoped that I would eventually have a career where I didn无毛视频檛 have interaction with anyone, which obviously is a professional mime.
The reasoning is simple. Everyone avoids mimes, and those who do approach them aren无毛视频檛 offended when a mime doesn无毛视频檛 speak to them.
However, I soon found out that a mime无毛视频檚 income doesn无毛视频檛 really allow me to afford the little luxuries in life like toilet paper and chewing gum and, let无毛视频檚 face it, mime school ain无毛视频檛 free, so I had to take a part-time job that was the complete opposite of my future goals, and that was a gas station attendant.
Being a gas station attendant/cashier, I was forced out of my shell by tending to the morning customers on their way to work, stopping for gas, cigarettes and coffee 无毛视频� sometimes all in the same cup 无毛视频� and I was horrified when I realized I had to talk to them, especially to ask why they wanted gas, coffee and cigarettes in the same cup.
Trust me, you don无毛视频檛 want to know.
In those transactions, you get to learn the art of small talk, which is conversations with pleasantries, banter and the back-and-forth tidbits of knowledge and new-age-old sayings that keeps communication with our fellow human beings alive and well.
I was unfamiliar with that new language, and when I first heard a customer ask me if I was 无毛视频渨orking hard or hardly working,无毛视频� I honestly didn无毛视频檛 know how to respond.
I stopped and thought about it until the customer snapped their fingers in front of my face to inform me that it was just a saying and that there was no need for me to cry and to hit myself in the head with a pricing gun.
As I became more comfortable with my morning exchanges, I would either respond with 无毛视频渉ardly无毛视频� or 无毛视频渨orking,无毛视频� depending on my mood at the moment. I would later customize it with something like, 无毛视频淚无毛视频檓 working hard to hardly work for a living.无毛视频�
Then the customer would laugh and make their departure and either realize on the drive away that what I said made absolutely no sense or they think about it so hard that blood vessels started to burst in their brains.
But let无毛视频檚 face it, small talk is basically saying things that don无毛视频檛 benefit the human race by any stretch of the imagination as the participants are just exchanging exchanges.
My favorite standard greeting exchange is 无毛视频渉ow无毛视频檚 it going无毛视频� followed by 无毛视频渃an无毛视频檛 complain无毛视频� followed by 无毛视频渨ouldn无毛视频檛 matter if you did.无毛视频�
However, once you become familiar with it, then you can play games to see how far you can take it with someone who is also well versed in the art of small talk.
无毛视频淗ow无毛视频檚 it going?无毛视频�
无毛视频淥h, can无毛视频檛 complain.无毛视频�
无毛视频淵eah. It wouldn无毛视频檛 matter if you did.无毛视频�
无毛视频淵eah, nobody would listen anyway.无毛视频�
无毛视频淭he only one who would listen can无毛视频檛 do anything about it.无毛视频�
无毛视频淎nd they would probably charge you.无毛视频�
无毛视频淭hen they wouldn无毛视频檛 accept your insurance.无毛视频�
无毛视频淧lus their co-pay would be unreasonable.无毛视频�
Forty minutes later无毛视频�
无毛视频淭he moon will always wax and wane.无毛视频�
无毛视频淎nd the washing machine has four cycles, too.无毛视频�
无毛视频溛廾悠郸wait. Who are you, again?无毛视频�
无毛视频淲ould it matter if I told you?无毛视频�
无毛视频淟et无毛视频檚 not restart all of that.无毛视频�
Much like stories 无毛视频� excluding 无毛视频淭he Neverending Story无毛视频�, of course 无毛视频� there无毛视频檚 a beginning, middle and end to the verbal phenomenons we all share.
So, once you establish that you无毛视频檙e hardly working and how nobody would care to hear you complain if you did complain, you are then faced with departing words, words for someone to remember you by.
无毛视频淭ake it easy.无毛视频�
无毛视频淚无毛视频檒l take it any way I can get it.无毛视频�
That happens to be my favorite departing phrase as it has a baseline philosophical blue-collar twang to it.
The problem with the departing exchange is when to end it. I remember situations where I would have a back and forth with a customer to the point where they无毛视频檙e halfway out the door or in the parking lot or shouting from their fleeing vehicle.
The secret to having a good ending is to not leave anything open for a back or a forth, depending on your role in the verbal exchange.
Examples like 无毛视频淭ake it easy,无毛视频� 无毛视频淗ave a good one无毛视频� or 无毛视频淟ater, Camacho无毛视频� all leave the door wide open for a lengthy departure, which is fine if you无毛视频檙e dropping off your soulmate at the airport or profusely thanking a police officer for letting go with just a warning, but certainly not kosher if it无毛视频檚 a customer or a casual acquaintance.
The best way to end a conversation for good is the same way I无毛视频檓 going to end this column.
无毛视频淕et out before I hit you with my pricing gun!无毛视频�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 无毛视频漇tupid Brain,无毛视频� is available on Amazon.com.