According to Hofmann: A horror story for the kids
It seems like every generation has to show the next generation how tough they are.
For example, my parents would often tell me how they didn无毛视频檛 have TV, shoes or breathable air when they were my age. I无毛视频檓 sure their parents probably told them they didn无毛视频檛 have cars when they were young or domesticated animals as pets or developed the muscle capability to physically smile.
I first thought that I would never resort to such nonsense, but as I go through the realization that I无毛视频檓 pretty much seen as a joke to my 9-year-old stepdaughter and after observing her and her friends in their natural habitat, which is on their cell phones, I found a story so unbelievably spooky that it also makes me look like the toughest guy on the planet.
That无毛视频檚 right, kids, settle around the campfire for the story of 无毛视频淭he Night Before Cell Phones!无毛视频�
Let无毛视频檚 go back to when I was in high school over 20 years ago and, yes, I know that makes me, like, super old to them, but that time certainly did exist, and it wasn无毛视频檛 all about the movie 无毛视频淭itanic,无毛视频� pagers, The Rachel hairstyle and the establishment of the North American Free Trade Agreement. There existed a dark underbelly for my generation that kids today cannot comprehend.
Back then, my friends and I would hang out like you rug rats now do. We would go to the mall that无毛视频檚 not there anymore to buy stuff that you can now digitally download, check out girls from a distance and follow those girls to their cars, tail them as they drove to their next destination and then to their home where we would make sure they make it to bed okay as we sat in backyard trees with binoculars trained at their bedroom windows 无毛视频� not creeping on their social-media profiles like you lazy punks do now.
Ah, it was such an innocent time. I only wish I would have taken more photos.
But the point is, to organize such an outing, we didn无毛视频檛 have anything like a group text to organize everyone. No, we had to pick up a phone attached to a wall or at most a cordless phone hooked up to a wall 无毛视频� there无毛视频檚 always a wall involved somehow无毛视频揳nd we had to press actual physical buttons on those phones which is why my generation has arthritis of the index fingers and thumbs.
Now, if you think one call is all it takes, then you无毛视频檝e never planned to go out with more than one person in the 1990s because if you无毛视频檙e going out with three friends, after you call the first person, you call the second person with the details of the plan, but then the plan doesn无毛视频檛 work for the second person, so then you have to start over with the first person. When speaking to the first person again, you make the second draft of the plan and inform the first person to call the second person to confirm with them so you can call the third person and give them the details.
What then happens is the third person doesn无毛视频檛 like the second plan, so you and the third person come up with a third plan and you call back the first person just to find out that the first person and the second person came up with their own third plan, and then you have to cancel everything because it无毛视频檚 suddenly 2 a.m. as you wasted six hours trying to figure out what to do.
That无毛视频檚 right, children, your Friday night was无毛视频uined!
You stayed home with your无毛视频arents!
Your parents were watching reruns of无毛视频ξ廾悠禎The Lawrence Welk Show无毛视频�!
His special guest star was无毛视频obby Vinton!
On the rare occasion where everyone agreed on a time, location and getaway route, we would need directions, but we didn无毛视频檛 have a GPS map app because there were no cell phones. We also didn无毛视频檛 know how to read a map like our tough-as-nails ancestors did because we were too busy playing video games to better prepare for the technological tsunami that you now take for granted.
However, hope wasn无毛视频檛 lost because we had map websites through dial-up Internet service where we could print out step-by-step instructions after logging on and waiting 40 minutes for information to download, but even that had its pitfalls as the maps were normally wrong, didn无毛视频檛 account for construction or believed your vehicle could go through buildings to get to a destination.
When those pitfalls happened, you had to stop at a无毛视频as Station!
There, you needed to talk to a无毛视频erson!
You had to ask them for无毛视频irections!
And if you wanted to use the restroom, they gave you a无毛视频ey!无毛视频搘ell, which they still do, so that无毛视频檚 not as scary, but you get the point.
In conclusion, children, not only did you learn about the dark ages, you should know that I was tough enough to survive. And if that story doesn无毛视频檛 curl your toes, then stick around for the tale of 无毛视频淕rowing Up Without Cable TV!无毛视频�
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 无毛视频漇tupid Brain,无毛视频� is available on Amazon.com.