According to Hofmann: The Fright Stuff
I once attended a birthday party for one of my stepdaughter无毛视频檚 friends 无毛视频� against my will, of course 无毛视频� at a skating party in a roller rink around Halloween.
At one point when the kids were eating pizza and cake, the birthday girl无毛视频檚 father thought it would be a good idea to dress up like a werewolf and 无毛视频渟urprise无毛视频� them.
After the kids recovered from attempting to flee and falling over themselves from still wearing roller skates, I couldn无毛视频檛 help but to think about the pure joy we all get out of scaring people.
It is, to me, the ultimate guilty pleasure because terrifying people and possibly giving them a heart attack is wrong when you look at it one way, but the thrill you receive and the satisfaction in which you get to bask makes being written out of your grandparent无毛视频檚 will all worthwhile.
Recently, my best scares have been directed toward my wife and stepdaughter, just sneaking up behind them and whispering quotes from scary movies like 无毛视频淭he Shining,无毛视频� 无毛视频淣ight of the Living Dead无毛视频� or 无毛视频淧ee Wee无毛视频檚 Big Adventure.无毛视频�
Or sometimes I walk into the room unnoticed where they无毛视频檙e doing something and just make Bigfoot roars as loud as I can and watch them jump with terrified looks punctuated on their faces.
Oh family quality time! You really have to cherish those moments.
Another good scare was directed to me from my brother a few years back.
We were on a long car ride, and he was annoyed that I kept falling asleep, so he waited until I was joyfully snoring away and occasionally not breathing due to acute sleep apnea and then he screamed 无毛视频淥h my God!,无毛视频� waking me in a cold-sweat panic.
Sure, I was terrified at the thought of a sudden and gruesome death, but I appreciated the scare so much that I didn无毛视频檛 give him a wedgie out of revenge when we arrived at our destination, but opted for the wet Willy instead.
The best scare I ever gave was during a picnic at my parents无毛视频� house years ago as I was crouched behind some bushes as I was practicing for my future as an investigative reporter and peeping Tom when my cousin无毛视频檚 car pulled up and parked in the driveway.
The passenger door opened and stayed open as my cousin in the passenger seat was speaking with her husband in the driver无毛视频檚 seat, and I had one of those moments where I thought it would be funny to scare the ever-loving crap out of her.
As I approached her open door, she was oblivious to me, and she was finishing telling her husband something trivial like who无毛视频檚 getting the kids in their divorce when she turned to me yelling, 无毛视频淗ey!!!无毛视频� at her and then she went into convulsions as she screamed like she was being attacked by piranhas in a pool full of battery acid.
If you speak to her to this day, she无毛视频檒l tell you the scare wasn无毛视频檛 that bad, but she无毛视频檚 just a stinking liar 无毛视频� just ask anyone she knows at the nervous hospital.
I think it was the ease of the scare that made it so fulfilling because if you put too much time and effort into it, the payoff will never seem worth it, much like the opposite effect when you scare the socks off someone without even trying.
Everyone has gone through those unintentional scares. You walk in on someone, and they don无毛视频檛 notice you, but you don无毛视频檛 notice that they didn无毛视频檛 notice you until you notify them of something and then they jump and holler, 无毛视频淵ou scared the beetlejuice out of me and, no, I wasn无毛视频檛 doing anything illegal!无毛视频�
I do that to my wife all the time, and after her reaction of pure fright, I don无毛视频檛 feel anything 无毛视频� not because I don无毛视频檛 have a soul, like she always writes on birthday cards to me, but because the scare doesn无毛视频檛 feel earned.
I even tried laughing like I do when I intentionally frighten her, but it came out like 无毛视频淗a-ha-ha-ha无毛视频hhh无毛视频a-ha-ha无毛视频a,无毛视频� to which she replied, 无毛视频淲hat无毛视频檚 wrong with you?无毛视频�
Maybe she无毛视频檚 right, but I don无毛视频檛 see what the big deal is.
When Ellen DeGeneres scares celebrities on her talk show, she无毛视频檚 considered innovative and celebrated; when I frighten an ex girlfriend when she无毛视频檚 in public with her husband while I无毛视频檓 holding a butcher knife with the word 无毛视频渕arried无毛视频� written in lipstick on the blade, I无毛视频檓 considered a 无毛视频減sychopath无毛视频� who 无毛视频渟houldn无毛视频檛 be around children无毛视频� unless I无毛视频檓 无毛视频渂eing observed无毛视频� by a 无毛视频減rofessional.无毛视频�
But maybe Ellen has something to teach us other than dance moves because, like comedy, she probably knows that scarring people and doing so in a right and innocent way is all in the delivery and being a good sport about it.
To that, I say, 无毛视频淗a-ha-ha-ha无毛视频hhh无毛视频a-ha-ha无毛视频a无毛视频� as I无毛视频檒l still do it my way while adjusting myself out of a fresh wedgie.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. He hosts the 无毛视频淟ocally Yours无毛视频� radio show on WMBS 590 AM every Friday. His book, 无毛视频漇tupid Brain,无毛视频� is available on Amazon.com.